February 28, 2015

a little update.....

Hello friends! Many of you have been asking about my momma. Two weeks ago my mom was admitted into the hospital because she was experiencing several sleepless nights with tremendous pain brought on by her cancer. It's a very tricky balancing act for the doctors to figure out the precise dosage of medication to alleviate her pain and combine it with the correct amount of anti nausea medication. It was truly awful to see her in such pain. It was at the point where I thought, please, just let her go quickly, because watching her suffer was excrutiating. Unfortunately, in their attempts to get her pain managed, the doctors overmedicated her, and she was so dopey that she almost couldn't wake up. It terrified her...to the point where we had some amazing end of life conversations. The doctors immediately started to flush her out with an IV drip to get the excess medication out of her system. Once they got her pain under control with an appropriate dosage, she really turned a corner. She started eating up her delicious hospital cuisine..mmmm mystery stew! and the doctors started talking about the chances of her going home, which, admittedly, I didn't think was going to happen. I feel like I've learned more about life and love in this one year, than in my entire life. Honestly, you just keep showing up for those you love. You keep holding their hand. You kiss them each time you say goodbye and tell them how much you love them. One afternoon at the hospital, I even showered my mom, at her request. It was new territory for us. It absolutely broke my heart to see her thin, cancer riddled body. But this is my mom, and I love her to the moon, and I will do whatever she needs. She even made jokes how her boobs look like two golf balls in a pair of tube socks....I told her, "lady, you don't have to worry, my eyes are only looking at your face while you are in this shower." But in that moment, I honestly thought, our roles have really switched. She took such good care me of me growing up and now she needs us to care for her, and I will be there every step of the way.
I'm so happy to report that after two weeks, she's home, sweet home. She's a weaker, more bed ridden version of herself, but she is still feisty and doesn't hold back from her "constructive" comments - like how I should re-soul my shoes because I sound like a horse coming down the hallway. But I love it. I love that she has this spark in her that keeps her fighting. This afternoon my brother and I laid beside her in her bed, and my heart almost burst. As a momma, I know how much that moment would mean if I was in her position. We held hands and just were sharing space and love. This is the most intense time of life, but it is also the greatest capacity of love I have ever felt. I can't thank you all enough for your check ins, your emails, your texts, your gifts, your food, your love and support - I'm tremendously lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. xoxo

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