36/365

February can't help but conjure up feelings of love. There are hearts plastered everywhere we go. Throughout the month, I will write different posts about love and all of its forms. But I think the most important starting point, when discussions take place about love, is to look at how we love ourselves.
It's something I've always struggled with. I love myself when I'm mothering my daughter. I love myself when I'm snapping photos or writing from the heart. I love myself when I'm with my husband.  I love myself when I am sharing a wonderful evening connecting with friends. I love myself whenever I am doing anything for my mom in her time of need. I love myself when I am helping my dad shoulder everything. I love myself when I make anyone laugh, especially children. I love myself when I am fully attentive and engaged. I love myself when I am exercising and eating healthy. But then there's times when I get so down on myself, where instead of being my own best friend, I am my own worst enemy. I struggle to love myself when I feel the pains of shyness and have a tough time making small talk. I immediately spiral into thinking that I'm deeply flawed in this world that celebrates extroversion. I struggle to love myself when I have to make a big decision and am plagued by self doubt over my choices. I struggle to love myself when I am distracted instead of giving someone my complete attention. I struggle to love myself carrying extra weight every since I gave birth, even though I know I should celebrate being in this healthy body - that we're in this together. I struggle to love myself when I make quick meals instead of healthier ones. I struggle to love myself when I take a flippant comment to heart. I struggle to love myself when I make a mistake, even though I am the first one to comfort someone if they make one. Some days I simply just struggle to love myself and it shows up in tears, in withdrawal from others. But what I do know is this.......we are all we really have. We can't control anyone else but ourselves - how we perceive ourselves, how we carry ourselves in this world, how we respond to this world. We have to be our own best friend - to champion our strengths and to forgive our shortcomings as we do in everyone else we love. As Buddha says, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love an affection." I think he also said, whilst sitting cross legged on a mountaintop, "Celebrate your awesomeness, yo!" xoxo