February 28, 2015
I'm so happy to report that after two weeks, she's home, sweet home. She's a weaker, more bed ridden version of herself, but she is still feisty and doesn't hold back from her "constructive" comments - like how I should re-soul my shoes because I sound like a horse coming down the hallway. But I love it. I love that she has this spark in her that keeps her fighting. This afternoon my brother and I laid beside her in her bed, and my heart almost burst. As a momma, I know how much that moment would mean if I was in her position. We held hands and just were sharing space and love. This is the most intense time of life, but it is also the greatest capacity of love I have ever felt. I can't thank you all enough for your check ins, your emails, your texts, your gifts, your food, your love and support - I'm tremendously lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. xoxo
Wednesday, Feb 25: Making homemade smoothies after work with my little love.
Thursday, Feb. 26: I finally found a magazine that celebrates one of my big passions - Mid Century modern furniture. I can't wait to set up a new home.
Friday, Feb. 27 - Sound the horn, it's Friday!!! And you know what that means, beers and Netflix!!
Note to self: Must ramp up our Friday nights.
The most beautiful magnolia tree I have ever seen. I snapped this with my iphone, but each bloom was as big as my head, and my head is pretty big.
February 24, 2015
Tuesday, Feb. 24: Chillin at the hospital
Monday, Feb. 23: Beautiful beach time with great friends.
Sunday, Feb. 22: Where I spend my mornings, cheering on my favourite patient.
Saturday, Feb. 21: A stunning night at the beach sans coats -it's hard to believe that this is Winter!
February 20, 2015
February 19, 2015
February 18, 2015
Hello friends, I've been in the hospital for the last five days, holding hands with my beautiful momma while they try and get a handle on her pain. There's nothing worse than seeing someone you love so desperately, living in agony. All I can say is that I've never been more in awe of my brave mother, I've never been more in love with my family, and never been more appreciative of my wonderfully supportive friends. I'll write more at length another day, but just wanted to tell you to really try your hardest to just live in and appreciate the moments, even the hard ones, because all of these little moments add up quickly to be your life's entirety. xoxo
Wednesday, Feb. 18 - My brave warrior momma.
Tuesday, Feb. 17 - Plaid pants, yellow socks, pink shoes. You have to love the vibrancy of being young. We played outside today in short sleeved shirts - can this really be Winter?
Monday, Feb. 16 - Fun with my love
Sunday, Feb. 15 - Reflections at the hospital
February 14, 2015
Happy Valentine's Day lovebirds! I hope you spent the day with someone you love.
I'll tell you what love means to me. Love is getting a phone call that your mom is in the hospital, driving like a maniac to get there as fast as you can, and sitting there, not being able to do much, other than just be there. Love is sitting by her bedside, telling her any silly story you can think of about her granddaughter to distract her from her pain. Love is hunting down a nurse to administer her medication Right Now. Love is having a million things you want to say, but knowing that just holding hands is enough because she knows everything that is in your heart already. Love is staring into one another's eyes, with tears streaming down your cheeks knowing that you both feel such a shared depth of love, that no words can ever sufficiently express. Love is reassuring her that she doesn't have to worry about Dad, that we will make sure he is okay. Love is not being afraid to love someone whole heartedly, even though you know you only get to have them temporarily. Love is knowing that if they don't manage her pain soon, you'd rather her go swiftly, than watch another moment of her in agony. Love is watching my dad by her side, with every gentle gesture and thoughtful errand.
Love is showing up. And showing up. And showing up.
Love is knowing that no amount of time will ever be enough. I'll always want more.
Love is everything I have in my heart for her.
February 13, 2015
Hello lovebirds - I hope you get lots of snuggle time this weekend with those you love. When we got home, there was a lovely bag of goodies at our front door, left by one of our lovely friends. How sweet is that? I had a lovely night out catching up with one of my dear friends - laughing with friends is definitely one of my favourite feelings of love. Although I don't buy into the forced hallmark quality of Valentine's Day, it does make me think of all of the people in my life who I thoroughly feel connected to. Parental love, familial love, romantic love, friendships, pets, all of these incredible bonds we share, how lucky are we? xoxo
February 12, 2015
February 11, 2015
February 10, 2015
February 9, 2015
Watching the grandkids make cards for my mom, give her giant hugs and kisses each night before bed was the best thing any of us could has asked for. My mom slept most of the weekend, her energy not where it used to be, but to see her meet us for dinner, or show up for a glass of sherry, thrilled us all. Sunday was one of those days where from start to finish I kept thinking, this is one of those perfect days. Do you have some of those etched in your mind - days that you'll never forget? I don't mean the extraordinary circumstances of weddings or births, I just mean those simple, yet beautiful days where a bunch of little things work to somehow build a perfect day. On Sunday, I just kept saying over and over to my hubby, "this day is amazing." My hubby, daughter and I had a beautiful, sunny morning walk along the water and then by fluke, met up with my brother and his children at the local playground. After the kids had a blast playing there, we found that a few venues in town were hosting these incredible family day events and the kids got to do an obstacle race, play in bouncy castle, mini golf, pick out hand painted tattoos and watch a juggling show. After that, my hubby and I traded off childminding time, he hit up the gym and I went for a swim/steam (While I was in the steam room, they were pumping in soft music with the sound of orcas. I was the only one in there, and I just kept thinking I have to stay alert or there's a very good chance I'd pass out from the bliss of it all - and they'd find my shrivelled body, and run some kind of unfortunate human raison discovered headline....). We met my mom for tea in the hotel, then we all hit the lounge and had a drink to cheers my mom. We shared in a delicious feast and went for a night swim before calling it a day. One year ago we were all blindsided by the news of my mom's cancer diagnosis, and I hope to never know a more painful year than we have experienced, but we have persevered and become stronger than ever as a family and I hope, more than anything, that this weekend gave my mom's spirits a much needed boost, just by having us all together. xoxo
February 7, 2015
Have a wonderful weekend friends!! I hope you are surrounded by family, or friends who feel like family!! I'll be offline for a few days, hunkering down with my loved ones. (I'll post Saturday/Sunday/Monday's 365 photos on Monday). Here's Friday's 365 photos, taken at one of my dearest lifelong friend's birthday dinner. We met in our neighbourhood growing up, she was one and a 1/2 and I was a baby. So you never know which of your children's friends will be with them for life. It's pretty incredible to watch one another's stories unfold and share in the history of it all together. xoxo
February 5, 2015
It's something I've always struggled with. I love myself when I'm mothering my daughter. I love myself when I'm snapping photos or writing from the heart. I love myself when I'm with my husband. I love myself when I am sharing a wonderful evening connecting with friends. I love myself whenever I am doing anything for my mom in her time of need. I love myself when I am helping my dad shoulder everything. I love myself when I make anyone laugh, especially children. I love myself when I am fully attentive and engaged. I love myself when I am exercising and eating healthy. But then there's times when I get so down on myself, where instead of being my own best friend, I am my own worst enemy. I struggle to love myself when I feel the pains of shyness and have a tough time making small talk. I immediately spiral into thinking that I'm deeply flawed in this world that celebrates extroversion. I struggle to love myself when I have to make a big decision and am plagued by self doubt over my choices. I struggle to love myself when I am distracted instead of giving someone my complete attention. I struggle to love myself carrying extra weight every since I gave birth, even though I know I should celebrate being in this healthy body - that we're in this together. I struggle to love myself when I make quick meals instead of healthier ones. I struggle to love myself when I take a flippant comment to heart. I struggle to love myself when I make a mistake, even though I am the first one to comfort someone if they make one. Some days I simply just struggle to love myself and it shows up in tears, in withdrawal from others. But what I do know is this.......we are all we really have. We can't control anyone else but ourselves - how we perceive ourselves, how we carry ourselves in this world, how we respond to this world. We have to be our own best friend - to champion our strengths and to forgive our shortcomings as we do in everyone else we love. As Buddha says, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love an affection." I think he also said, whilst sitting cross legged on a mountaintop, "Celebrate your awesomeness, yo!" xoxo