February 28, 2015

a little update.....

Hello friends! Many of you have been asking about my momma. Two weeks ago my mom was admitted into the hospital because she was experiencing several sleepless nights with tremendous pain brought on by her cancer. It's a very tricky balancing act for the doctors to figure out the precise dosage of medication to alleviate her pain and combine it with the correct amount of anti nausea medication. It was truly awful to see her in such pain. It was at the point where I thought, please, just let her go quickly, because watching her suffer was excrutiating. Unfortunately, in their attempts to get her pain managed, the doctors overmedicated her, and she was so dopey that she almost couldn't wake up. It terrified her...to the point where we had some amazing end of life conversations. The doctors immediately started to flush her out with an IV drip to get the excess medication out of her system. Once they got her pain under control with an appropriate dosage, she really turned a corner. She started eating up her delicious hospital cuisine..mmmm mystery stew! and the doctors started talking about the chances of her going home, which, admittedly, I didn't think was going to happen. I feel like I've learned more about life and love in this one year, than in my entire life. Honestly, you just keep showing up for those you love. You keep holding their hand. You kiss them each time you say goodbye and tell them how much you love them. One afternoon at the hospital, I even showered my mom, at her request. It was new territory for us. It absolutely broke my heart to see her thin, cancer riddled body. But this is my mom, and I love her to the moon, and I will do whatever she needs. She even made jokes how her boobs look like two golf balls in a pair of tube socks....I told her, "lady, you don't have to worry, my eyes are only looking at your face while you are in this shower." But in that moment, I honestly thought, our roles have really switched. She took such good care me of me growing up and now she needs us to care for her, and I will be there every step of the way.
I'm so happy to report that after two weeks, she's home, sweet home. She's a weaker, more bed ridden version of herself, but she is still feisty and doesn't hold back from her "constructive" comments - like how I should re-soul my shoes because I sound like a horse coming down the hallway. But I love it. I love that she has this spark in her that keeps her fighting. This afternoon my brother and I laid beside her in her bed, and my heart almost burst. As a momma, I know how much that moment would mean if I was in her position. We held hands and just were sharing space and love. This is the most intense time of life, but it is also the greatest capacity of love I have ever felt. I can't thank you all enough for your check ins, your emails, your texts, your gifts, your food, your love and support - I'm tremendously lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. xoxo

365 catch up....

Wednesday, Feb 25: Making homemade smoothies after work with my little love. 
 Thursday, Feb. 26: I finally found a magazine that celebrates one of my big passions - Mid Century modern furniture. I can't wait to set up a new home.
 Friday, Feb. 27 - Sound the horn, it's Friday!!! And you know what that means, beers and Netflix!! 
Note to self: Must ramp up our Friday nights. 
The most beautiful magnolia tree I have ever seen. I snapped this with my iphone, but each bloom was as big as my head, and my head is pretty big. 

February 24, 2015

365 catch up

Tuesday, Feb. 24: Chillin at the hospital
Monday, Feb. 23: Beautiful beach time with great friends.
Sunday, Feb. 22: Where I spend my mornings, cheering on my favourite patient.

Saturday, Feb. 21: A stunning night at the beach sans coats -it's hard to believe that this is Winter!

February 20, 2015


I'm not going to lie, these days are excruciating watching my momma battle cancer. But it's little moments like these, with my sunshine, that reignite my heart. xoxo

February 19, 2015


Here's a few things that I find are helping tremendously during this really challenging time of life: exercise - before hitting the hospital, I've been hitting the gym, to get some endorphins going, burn this stress and give me energy.......assemble your team of support: I've got my hubby and daughter for my daily hugs, kisses and smiles.....I've got friends who have survived this to walk me through things, friends and relatives who love my mom almost as much as I do to share mom stories with, friends who get me out to temporarily get my mind off of things....and my family, who constantly keep one another in the loop with mom updates. My heart goes out to those who go through these things on their own, I don't know how they do it. It takes this team of support to keep me going. There's definitely something I've learned in this process...often people will say, "let us know if there's anything we can do" which is so incredibly thoughtful - but I've learned in life you just should do things....because people rarely ask for help. My mom's friends are cleaning her home tomorrow in case mom gets to come home this weekend. People just drop off food for my dad because they know he needs to eat. I just show up at the hospital with snacks for my mom that I know she will eat. I can't even begin to list off all of the incredible things my friends have just done for us during this year - from making family dinners, dropping off gifts, visiting my mom, or bringing us treats - there's this lengthy list of "doers" that I am so fortunate to know. Do something randomly awesome for someone you know in need. xoxo

February 18, 2015

365 catch up....

Hello friends, I've been in the hospital for the last five days, holding hands with my beautiful momma while they try and get a handle on her pain. There's nothing worse than seeing someone you love so desperately, living in agony. All I can say is that I've never been more in awe of my brave mother, I've never been more in love with my family, and never been more appreciative of my wonderfully supportive friends. I'll write more at length another day, but just wanted to tell you to really try your hardest to just live in and appreciate the moments, even the hard ones, because all of these little moments add up quickly to be your life's entirety. xoxo

Wednesday, Feb. 18 - My brave warrior momma. 

Tuesday, Feb. 17 - Plaid pants, yellow socks, pink shoes. You have to love the vibrancy of being young. We played outside today in short sleeved shirts - can this really be Winter?

Monday, Feb. 16 - Fun with my love

Sunday, Feb. 15  - Reflections at the hospital

February 14, 2015

45/365 Love is all you need

Happy Valentine's Day lovebirds! I hope you spent the day with someone you love. 
I'll tell you what love means to me. Love is getting a phone call that your mom is in the hospital, driving like a maniac to get there as fast as you can, and sitting there, not being able to do much, other than just be there. Love is sitting by her bedside,  telling her any silly story you can think of about her granddaughter to distract her from her pain. Love is hunting down a nurse to administer her medication Right Now. Love is having a million things you want to say, but knowing that just holding hands is enough because she knows everything that is in your heart already. Love is staring into one another's eyes, with tears streaming down your cheeks knowing that you both feel such a shared depth of love, that no words can ever sufficiently express. Love is reassuring her that she doesn't have to worry about Dad, that we will make sure he is okay. Love is not being afraid to love someone whole heartedly, even though you know you only get to have them temporarily. Love is knowing that if they don't manage her pain soon, you'd rather her go swiftly, than watch another moment of her in agony. Love is watching my dad by her side, with every gentle gesture and thoughtful errand. 
Love is showing up. And showing up. And showing up. 
Love is knowing that no amount of time will ever be enough. I'll always want more. 
Love is everything I have in my heart for her.

February 13, 2015

44/365 Happy love weekend!!!

Hello lovebirds - I hope you get lots of snuggle time this weekend with those you love. When we got home, there was a lovely bag of goodies at our front door, left by one of our lovely friends. How sweet is that? I had a lovely night out catching up with one of my dear friends - laughing with friends is definitely one of my favourite feelings of love. Although I don't buy into the forced hallmark quality of Valentine's Day, it does make me think of all of the people in my life who I thoroughly feel connected to. Parental love, familial love, romantic love, friendships, pets, all of these incredible bonds we share, how lucky are we? xoxo

February 12, 2015


Oh yes, I'm sure there are several health codes being violated here. But it was too cute to walk in and see our dear old cat warming her bones on top of the stove while dinner cooked below.

February 11, 2015

This is my kind of rom com.....

Amy Schumer is a fantastic stand up comedian. This flick looks like it showcases her perfectly.


It's exploring homemade forts with flashlights and taking my pup on long night walks that always resonates with me -the best things in life don't cost a thing. xoxo

February 10, 2015


I am obsessed with the way the fog adds so much ambience to photos. This is a simple iphone photo of some local sports fields, but the fog makes it look so damn mysterious. xo

February 9, 2015


Do you take vacations with your extended family? We make sure we have a getaway with my side & one with my hubby's side each year. There's something to be said for being in a new space together, where your only agenda is to have fun, to have shared adventures and meet up for delicious meals. It's quality time together that you just can't compare - without chores, errands and distractions competing for your attention. This weekend we spent a few nights at Harrison Hot Springs. It was chosen for its close proximity to home in case my mom wasn't well, and for the uber-relaxing setting it offers.
Watching the grandkids make cards for my mom, give her giant hugs and kisses each night before bed was the best thing any of us could has asked for. My mom slept most of the weekend, her energy not where it used to be, but to see her meet us for dinner, or show up for a glass of sherry, thrilled us all. Sunday was one of those days where from start to finish I kept thinking, this is one of those perfect days. Do you have some of those etched in your mind - days that you'll never forget? I don't mean the extraordinary circumstances of weddings or births, I just mean those simple, yet beautiful days where a bunch of little things work to somehow build a perfect day. On Sunday, I just kept saying over and over to my hubby, "this day is amazing." My hubby, daughter and I had a beautiful, sunny morning walk along the water and then by fluke, met up with my brother and his children at the local playground. After the kids had a blast playing there, we found that a few venues in town were hosting these incredible family day events and the kids got to do an obstacle race, play in bouncy castle, mini golf, pick out hand painted tattoos and watch a juggling show. After that, my hubby and I traded off childminding time, he hit up the gym and I went for a swim/steam (While I was in the steam room, they were pumping in soft music with the sound of orcas. I was the only one in there, and I just kept thinking I have to stay alert or there's a very good chance I'd pass out from the bliss of it all - and they'd find my shrivelled body, and run some kind of unfortunate human raison discovered headline....). We met my mom for tea in the hotel, then we all hit the lounge and had a drink to cheers my mom. We shared in a delicious feast and went for a night swim before calling it a day. One year ago we were all blindsided by the news of my mom's cancer diagnosis, and I hope to never know a more painful year than we have experienced, but we have persevered and become stronger than ever as a family and I hope, more than anything, that this weekend gave my mom's spirits a much needed boost, just by having us all together. xoxo

February 7, 2015

Happy Family Day Weekend!!!

Have a wonderful weekend friends!! I hope you are surrounded by family, or friends who feel like family!! I'll be offline for a few days, hunkering down with my loved ones. (I'll post Saturday/Sunday/Monday's 365 photos on Monday).  Here's Friday's 365 photos, taken at one of my dearest lifelong friend's birthday dinner. We met in our neighbourhood growing up, she was one and a 1/2 and I was a baby. So you never know which of your children's friends will be with them for life. It's pretty incredible to watch one another's stories unfold and share in the history of it all together. xoxo

February 5, 2015


February can't help but conjure up feelings of love. There are hearts plastered everywhere we go. Throughout the month, I will write different posts about love and all of its forms. But I think the most important starting point, when discussions take place about love, is to look at how we love ourselves.
It's something I've always struggled with. I love myself when I'm mothering my daughter. I love myself when I'm snapping photos or writing from the heart. I love myself when I'm with my husband.  I love myself when I am sharing a wonderful evening connecting with friends. I love myself whenever I am doing anything for my mom in her time of need. I love myself when I am helping my dad shoulder everything. I love myself when I make anyone laugh, especially children. I love myself when I am fully attentive and engaged. I love myself when I am exercising and eating healthy. But then there's times when I get so down on myself, where instead of being my own best friend, I am my own worst enemy. I struggle to love myself when I feel the pains of shyness and have a tough time making small talk. I immediately spiral into thinking that I'm deeply flawed in this world that celebrates extroversion. I struggle to love myself when I have to make a big decision and am plagued by self doubt over my choices. I struggle to love myself when I am distracted instead of giving someone my complete attention. I struggle to love myself carrying extra weight every since I gave birth, even though I know I should celebrate being in this healthy body - that we're in this together. I struggle to love myself when I make quick meals instead of healthier ones. I struggle to love myself when I take a flippant comment to heart. I struggle to love myself when I make a mistake, even though I am the first one to comfort someone if they make one. Some days I simply just struggle to love myself and it shows up in tears, in withdrawal from others. But what I do know is this.......we are all we really have. We can't control anyone else but ourselves - how we perceive ourselves, how we carry ourselves in this world, how we respond to this world. We have to be our own best friend - to champion our strengths and to forgive our shortcomings as we do in everyone else we love. As Buddha says, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love an affection." I think he also said, whilst sitting cross legged on a mountaintop, "Celebrate your awesomeness, yo!" xoxo

February 4, 2015


    Happy heart month! She made one for each of us. I Love our little family of 3. xoxo

February 3, 2015


Hot chocolate face.

February 2, 2015


There has never been so much going on than there is in this moment of our lives - but amidst the chaos of it all, it feels like we are in the thick of LIFE, in all of its vivid colour. xoxo

February 1, 2015


storytime. xo