in a heartbeat, everything can change

Hi friends, it's been awhile since I had a chance to write. Two weeks ago my dad was admitted into the hospital with stomach pains. It started out as no big deal. He was diagnosed with diverticulitis and they were going to try and treat it with medication for a few days and see how it went. Dad sent me home to collect some of his things to bring to the hospital for him, including his Proactiv Skin Care line, which made me giggle. He said, it really works, the infomercials don't lie! But then, three days into hospitalization, things took a turn, his Diverticulitis ruptured, which only happens to approx. 5% of patients, and it turns the body septic. They had to do emergency surgery and perform a colostomy. It was their worst case scenario, but one in which he was expected to bounce back from. Then a few days later, things went from bad to worse. During his recovery, he vomited into his lungs, which can be fatal. Right away he had to have his lungs drained and he was put on life support. Suddenly it was touch and go. It was hard for me to process, the fact that in one quick week he went from stomach pains to life support. After a week on life support, they were finally able to get him to start breathing on his own. It was a huge turning point because he had two failed attempts to breathe without machines in the days leading up. But since then, his brain has not bounced back. He has pneumonia and is completely delirious. It is hell trying to talk to him because he'll look right into my eyes and then blurt things out that don't make any sense. I can tell you that I've never missed my mother more and yet I'm so glad she's not here to see this. She hasn't even been gone a year, so it's hard to believe we're right back to this level of living with day to day uncertainty.  I'm so lucky in that I have a kick ass uncle, aunt, my friend's parents and my bro who have formed this network to keep each other up to date with any info we find out because with nurses changing daily and doctors on rotation, it's easy for information to get missed.
Juggling this with our daughter who has been sick now for a week, and the busyness of work/home/classes, life has never felt more like Life, capital L. So, if you ever feel bored because you don't have much going on, maybe take a moment to realize, those are the times we should be grateful, when things are quiet, when things are ticking along per usual. Sleep tight friends. xo

catching up

Hello friends! I hope you've been well. This space has been terribly neglected and I have missed writing here. Because of the delays between posts on my blog, I've decided not to use this blog to play catch up on my photo-a-day project. If you'd like to follow along on my 366, please look me up: kellyalexwilliams on Instagram. For those of you who don't use Instagram, you can create an account without ever posting photos. Personally, I love Instagram way more than Facebook, so much so that I hardly ever look at Facebook anymore. I love perusing people's amazing photos and reading their creative captions. I hope you'll try checking it out if you haven't.
For the past week, my hubby and I have been doing a cleanse: no alcohol, dairy, wheat, or sugar for two weeks. Sounds fun right? Honestly, I haven't felt this good in so long. It makes me realize that something in my diet was making me feel terribly sluggish. I haven't felt that afternoon crash in energy since we started eating this way and my clothes are feeling looser around the waist. Surprisingly, it isn't too hard to eat with these restrictions. We've been varying our breakfasts between oatmeal and eggs, have been eating a lot of salads for lunch and dinners have consisted of grilled chicken or fish and veggies, sushi, chilli, things along those lines.  On this plan, you're allowed to have coffee, but no dairy, so I've been putting soy milk in it. I think I just heard you shudder. The first day I thought the soy/coffee combo tasted like ass, but because I cannot forgo my java, I've grown used to the flavour and don't mind it now. Unfortunately, there's no black tea on this plan, since it contains yeast, so my hubby, who is a giant tea drinker, has had to switch to herbal tea. I'm pretty sure I saw a tear fall into his first mug of herbal tea. He said by far it has been his biggest adjustment on this plan. We have definitely found this to be a great experiment and it has shown us where there was room for improvement in our diet before. Have you ever tried to re-vamp your diet? What did you discover? I definitely have discovered that snacking on cheese is a lot more fun than brown rice cakes, and that beer is more delicious on a Friday than shouting cheers over a pair of ice waters with lemon slices, but we are definitely feeling a lot better.
Here are a few of my favourite shots from the week. I promise to write more often and hope that you all had a fantastic weekend!

xo

checking in....

*I included this last photo because it's not everyday you see a mail box nicer than your own home.

Hello friends!! How have you been? Life has been busy, but I wanted to catch a breath and write to you with a big mug of tea in hand.
Are you trying to cram in any last minute plans as the Summer winds down? I definitely don't want to rush things because we've been having such a gorgeous stretch of weather, but I always love it when it is back to school time. Not that I'm in school. It's been a couple of years now since I graduated. And by couple, I mean decades. But I love school supplies. Lined paper, folders, pens, post its, are you kidding me? I'll be elbowing all those moms for 10 cent packages of paper, even though it's just for my own personal "in case I need to make lists" collection or catch up with old pen pals.

But enough of my breezy opener. Life had a few hiccups last week. There was one day in particular last week, which was one of the most stressful I've had in months. My dad had a surgical procedure on his heart called an Ablation and after a day or two at home, had a reaction to the procedure (heart started racing, shortness of breath and gained 11 pounds of water weight in a few short days) and had to be taken to emergency. He was then transported by ambulance to VGH so that they could run dye through his body to verify if there were blockages to his heart. If they found any, they'd have to perform bypass surgery right then and there. While Dad was getting his tests done,  Mom had to get her latest CT scan results to see how the cancer was growing. In my Dad's absence, I held her hand and could tell you, I was sick to my stomach waiting for the doctor to come in the room. Suddenly I felt like I had to be the parent, and I was petrified to the core, but I put on a brave face for Mom.
The results: the tumours are still stable so she gets a reprieve from Chemo for a few months. We leaned on one another and cried happy tears. I said,  "What do you want to do to celebrate!! I still have babysitting, we can go out!"  Her response? "Well, I do need a few things at Costco." And so life goes on.
 Then mom's phone rang, dad's scan was clear and they were transporting him back to our local hospital. We all celebrated in dad's hospital room that night and dad said it best, "it's been a really good day for our family." (My hubby also was in another hospital that day, having cysts removed from his head, that proved to be harmless). It was a three hospital day - we were definitely getting our money's worth of BC's medical care that day. During it all, I was thinking, we have all of these days where life just ticks along, and we get comfortable in the daily regimen of work/fitness/chores....but every so often, life throws you these days to challenge all that you know - that rock you to your core - where you're suddenly in the thick of Life, capital L. I was so grateful for the results we received that day, and know I won't always be so lucky. But I choose to stay focussed on the moment I'm in because nobody knows what lies ahead. They say our lives are marked by 10 defining moments where you've learned the most about life (and yourself) through your response to them. And when I say "they say" I may or may not mean Dr. Phil. But I digress.......
Looking back, what would be some of your life defining moments? Are they major events? Are they little events that somehow changed the course of your life? I'd love to ask my friends this question because I'm fascinated by the differences in everyone's lists.
Please feel free to leave comments below if you'd like to share some of your moments.
xoxoxo

pumped up kicks

Hello friends! It has been awhile since I've had a moment to write, but the summer busy-ness has definitely kicked into high gear.
Earlier this week, I signed up with a running group and started training for a half marathon. It's 21 kms, which isn't groundbreaking, and doesn't make me an "extreme" athlete by any stretch. But I needed the discipline. My 5 kms jogs done intermittently were not doing a whole lot. I found that ever since I had a baby, I put on weight in areas I didn't even know were things: lower back love handles?!? What is that?
Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who advocates that we all need to be size 4 sticks. Not by any stretch. But I had done a half marathon before, and remember being in the best shape of my life from that training. I missed that feeling of being committed to a challenging program that pushed me out of my comfort zone and had a specific goal to train for: running a race.
I started to notice changes in myself that also led to this decision - I didn't enjoy clothes anymore - I wasn't buying things I wanted, I was buying things that worked more to camouflage problem zones.  If I was shopping and came across the word "fitted" it would send me running for the hills. I was also avoiding being in photos and would groan whenever I saw any photos of myself. I would love to have some family photos, but so often, I just have photos framed of my hubby and daughter.  So, I teamed up with one of my friends, and signed up through the running room for one of their training clinics. I have to tell you, it was one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. It's only been a week, but I've already logged in three good runs, including a 7.5 km one today in the blazing sun. I felt more energized at work this week. I feel like it's boosted my confidence, that I'm walking taller. And best of all, it's definitely given me a great endorphin high.

It's funny, the night of my first run, my hubby said, "they'll take it easy on you for your first run. Don't worry about packing water." We set out, what was supposed to be a 4 km intro run. 4 km? Cake walk. My hubby was right, I don't need any stinkin water.
But as we began, it was about 30 degrees out, which felt like running through a Hawaiian volcano in two layers of velour tracksuits. Sticky and uncomfortable. We were running and the first thing I noticed is that everyone had on water belts: professional looking of army artillery capacity, loaded with mini water bottles ready to aim at their thirsty faces at any given moment. They were confident in their running because they had like 8 water sources to grab from at any given moment. It was all I could think about. I'm pretty sure whenever I was jogging next to someone, my only topic of conversation was, "wow, that water looks good." Or, "Sure wish I brought some water." Or, "How does your water taste? Can you describe it for me?"
It became my number one fantasy. Forget Ryan Gosling, Water was seriously all I could think about. If there was a bottle of water handed to me at that moment, I would have made sweet love to it.
When we finished the run, the instructor said, "HA! I fooled you. You did 6 km, not 4!" If I wasn't so thirsty, I probably would have clocked her hydrated face.
So, running isn't always entirely fun. But, there's something to be said about having a program to stick to. If you are like me, feeling like you needed a nudge in your fitness routine, why not check out running groups, or join a cycling team, rowing team, bootcamp, dance troop, crossfit, anything that is going to make you more accountable for showing up. Tomorrow morning, we're getting up early to cheer on my hubby in a 120 km cycling race. He is definitely an inspiration for me to push myself further.
Happy fitness training friends!!
xoxo

making a change

A change is gonna come. I have learned too much to keep eating the way I have been. A few recent big happenings have sparked something deep within. Pregnancy has made me more conscious about what I am putting into my body; I have to think of someone else my decisions are impacting. Cancer has impacted people I care dearly about and it has made me look closer at what is going on with the food industry, because as you know, it has most certainly become a big industry. Another major influence in my decision to research vegetarianism and vegan diets is simply my love of animals. I cry when I see roadkill, when I see animals being used for testing and when I see delivery trucks full of pigs or chickens, stacked to the rafters, passing by me on the highway. It has gotten to the point where I simply can't ignore that my love for animals is a huge part of who I am, so I have to show them more respect by not participating in their demise. Believe me, I am not going to preach to you about what you choose to eat. I  just wanted to be more aware of what goes on behind the scenes so that I am an informed consumer. I gave up eating meat about 25 years ago, but I fell off the wagon with chicken. I used to think, "well, at least I only eat chicken."Unfortunately, it was easy to just see store bought chicken breasts as packaged beige lumps and disassociate them with what I was really eating. If there were chickens in my backyard, you can bet sure as shit that I would never eat one again. They'd all have names. 

If you feel like reading on, here's some interesting factoids I've discovered through research, but I warn you, they are graphic:

Cows: often are not stunned properly before being strung up for slaughter. They are often struggling and conscious while their throats are slashed open and they are skinned. In the Humane Farming Association's investigation of slaughterhouses, every worker admitted to the mistreatment of animals.

I was mistakenly under the impression that cows just produce milk, like hens can produce eggs. I never realized that for cows to produce milk, they are continuously impregnated. As soon as their calves are born, the males are crated for veal and the females are bred to be dairy cattle (and subsequently impregnated). It's an ongoing cycle where the mothers are continuously experiencing real separation anxiety from their calves. The mothers only get to live 2-7 years, before their bodies are deemed burnt out by industry "standards" and they are sent to slaughter - even though cattle should normally live 20-25 years. I haven't even touched on the hormones injected into the cows to ensure mass production of milk ten times their normal supply. This is a huge indicator of why young girls are now getting their periods 3-4 years younger than when I was a teenager. 

Did you know that cattle nurture friendships and can solve intellectual challenges? Vegan enthusiast (and wife of Ellen Degeneres), Portia de Rossi said when she first bought her horse for their farm, she was worried about it because of the long journey it took by transport, so she stayed up all night watching over him. She looked on as the cows came up one by one and rubbed noses with the horse, as if to welcome him to their farm. At that moment, she knew she had to become a vegan.

Pigs: Often before they are strung up for slaughter, they are dunked fully conscious into 140 degree water to remove hair from their bodies. A mechanical arm pushes their flailing bodies under water. Pigs have been labelled by scientists as more intelligent than dogs and three year old humans. Slaughterhouse workers have said that pigs will come up and nuzzle them like puppies before they are forced into the scalding tanks of water.  

Chickens: make up 95% of all animals slaughtered for food. They are often stuffed and stacked in cages with no room to move. Their beaks are cut off so they don't peck other chickens or workers. All of their natural instincts to move, to flap their wings, are denied. If they are in egg laying factories, baby male chicks are tossed out, deemed useless because they can't produce eggs. Over 300 million baby chicks are killed in the U.S. every year, often just tossed into dumpsters or ground up and fed to livestock. Chickens are as smart as mammals, including some primates. They are apt pupils and have shown the ability to use levers to control the temperature of their environment.

I'm sorry this entry is difficult to read. I just wanted to let you know why I'm changing my ways.