August 30, 2012

changing direction

This month has been heavily based in photography, so I thought I'd take a moment to write a little more in depth. Is there something that holds you back from living your life to the fullest? I have seen some friends tackle their issues with tremendous success (through books, courses or counselling) and some friends who just accept their anxieties as a part of who they are and let them dictate/ruin their lives to some extent by living a much smaller life than they deserve. Becoming a new parent, I want to show my daughter how important it is to live her biggest life. I have been burdened with social anxiety, which is really challenging because I love being around people. I am painfully shy and yet feel most alive when I am connecting with others. I push through it a lot of the time by accepting most social invitations because I know the payoff is worth it, but there are days when I become a bit of a hermit rather than put myself out there. I know my shyness stems from low self confidence, which I am working hard at building. With confidence comes the ability to make decisions with ease, to trust your instincts and not allow fear to dictate any direction in your life. It's funny because there are some things I've done that others would be afraid of, like fly to Louisiana on my own to help build houses after Hurricane Katrina hit, when I knew no one. I made a speech at my friend's wedding without being nervous at all. And yet, I am paralyzed with fear to work the room at a cocktail party. Perhaps I am airing all my secrets, but I want to let people know that we all have our own issues. Some choose to work on them diligently and some people tend to put their issues on the back burner. I don't want my issues to impact the lives of those I love. I want to be an inspiration to my daughter, to show her that we can do/be whatever we put our mind to and not let our anxiety dictate our path. So, over the next while (months? years? lifetime?) I will work hard on my issues so that I live life to the fullest and can help instill confidence in my daughter. I promise to pass along any epiphanies to you, in case I can help one person. Okay, a little heavy handed right before a long weekend, but I just wanted to speak from the heart. xo

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

gutsy write

kelly said...

thank you!

MrsZad said...

"I have been burdened with social anxiety, which is really challenging because I love being around people. I am painfully shy and yet feel most alive when I am connecting with others. I push through it a lot of the time by accepting most social invitations because I know the payoff is worth it, but there are days when I become a bit of a hermit rather than put myself out there. I know my shyness stems from low self confidence..."

That about sums it all up, Kelly. I feel 100% the same.