The other day I was out running errands and saw that a local store was selling off their winter boots for half price. I've been avoiding stores for a few months because we've been really tight financially.
But when someone who is your greatest ally in life tells you they have a very frightening and aggressive form of cancer, you get a pair of shit kicking boots that make you feel like you can do this - you can fight back and kick cancer right in the ass.
I've been quiet on this site lately because for the first time in my life, I feel absolutely terrified. It's like waking repeatedly in a nightmare. Sleep is restless, emotions run the gamut from weeping in the shower to finding the strength to keep my daily routine going.
Friends from all over have been checking in with texts, calls, visits, food, you name it -support like I've never known. And yet anyone who has stared grief down can tell you, you've never felt so alone because it is all up to you to pull yourself through this. But I sure am grateful that I have so many tremendous shoulders readily available, not to mention an amazing little redhead who I have the privilege of mothering, who is literally saving my spirit through this process by being her cheerful self because that is all she knows how to be. She is oblivious to this, and I am so envious.
Tonight while on the phone with my brother, crying to him about how scared I am, he reminded me that we need to band together and stay positive, fight this together and give it everything we have.
So, I put on my boots.
I started educating myself on everything I could get my hands on about slowing down the army of tumours.
You can be healthy, you can be a saint, and you can still get cancer.
I can't reiterate this enough that life doesn't come with any guarantees. Life is short. Nothing is more important than the people around you and the time you share. Nothing else matters. Seriously.
So when I put them on and felt strong for the first time since receiving the news I thought, I'm buying these motherf#&cking boots. xoxo