February 13, 2014

my valentine....

I've thought of nothing but love lately. This beautiful woman is my Valentine.
When we think of our life's big loves, we often think of our romances, but honestly my mom is one of the great love stories of my life. Our paths crossed because of circumstances, she had lost a child and I was up for adoption. And as soon as our eyes locked, it was love.
My mom is this woman who takes care of everyone in her vicinity. She is the single most giving soul I've ever met. In December, gathering for her birthday, we all went around the table to say what we loved most about my mom and "the most thoughtful", "the most giving", "the most generous "....were all common phrases spoken. My sister in law said it best when she said, "She's just the best person I know."
This has been the hardest week of my life, trying to wrap my brain around the word cancer and all of the terrifying unknowns attached to it. I still can't make it more than two hours straight without crying. I think anyone will tell you that once someone you love gets cancer, you've never felt so helpless because you just want to do everything you can to take it away from them.
I want to be little again, sitting on her lap, listening to the way her voice sings as she reads.
I want to be picking strawberries with her and having her kiss my berry stained face.
I want to be a teenager, shopping with her, and grabbing lunch, chatting about all of the tribulations of life. 
I want to be travelling every road trip we ever did together, camping under the redwoods in California, spending countless weekends in our cabin at Mt. Baker, doing our mom-daughter getaways to the gulf islands or kicking our heels up in Arizona. 
I want every conversation we've shared over endless cups of tea.
I want it all back. Because in those moments, there was no cancer.
So we will gather the troops, carry her on our shoulders, give her every ounce of our love, energy and hope and show the universe that cancer is not welcome in this family. In fact, it can fuck right off.
I have to give thanks to my friends, who have shown me repeatedly how incredible they are. I have fallen in love with them all over again this week with their amazing support. And of course, Stella and Craig, who show me on a daily basis that ours is a home full of love. xoxo

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