May 12, 2013

thoughts on motherhood

As a mother, we all have so many shared experiences and milestones, but our journeys are as unique as our children.

It was a long road to meet my little girl. After years of no success, we had come to believe that fertility just wasn't in the cards for us. We went through 2.5 years of the adoption process, filling out mounds of paperwork, being interviewed and studied by a case worker, reading up on our selected culture (Korea) - and as soon as we were second on the list to receive a baby - I got pregnant. I know my life would have been just as rich if I had a Korean baby in my arms right now, but I am very grateful that I got to experience pregnancy first hand. The site of that + sign on that little pregnancy test will still standout as one of the most miraculous moments of my life. I remember running down the street, as fast as I could to catch up with my husband (who was walking to work) and leaping into his arms with that little positive stick. I spent the next few days smiling wherever I went, quietly harbouring our secret, and feeling like I was walking on clouds.
If you want, you can read here for our birth story - it was bar-none, the most incredible moment of my life. I remember seeing them hoist her in the air and I felt like my heart was going to break with the love that rushed through it.

Motherhood isn't an easy road - it's all encompassing. I've never known so much vulnerability as I did when she first arrived on the scene. I constantly checked on her because I knew that if anything happened to her, I would never bounce back. When you're a new mom, there are so many days that blend together. Babies like routines and when you're in a steady pattern of feeding, sleeping and playing, the days can slip into weeks. But I always knew that I never longed to be anywhere more than by her side.

As soon as you have a child, you will look at your own parents differently. You will have so much gratitude for everything they did for you because you finally get just how much it takes to be a parent.
You will see your partner in a whole new light - and I am so thankful that mine has proven to be, just as I suspected, a hands-on, loving, playful and patient dad.
You will admire your friends who had children before you, because now you realize just how much they were juggling in their days.
The expression "the days are long but the years are short" will make total sense to you when you spend countless nights waking every few hours to feed them. You feel like you've had a full day and you notice it's only 10 am. But then suddenly, you're watching them blow out the candle on their first birthday cake, and you're tearing up, wondering where the time went.
You will have new-found respect for every woman who decides to be a stay-at-home mom because you know that it is much more demanding of you than going to work.
You will bond with women who are mothers because you understand exactly how they feel when they look at their children.
I hope one day Stella will look back at her life and think I was a great mom to her - it would be my life's biggest compliment.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you lovely mommas!! xoxo


Mariella said...

Happy mother's day to you Kelly! (one day later) such a beautiful post, it gave me goose bumps :)

kelly said...

Thank you so much Mariella! Happy Mother's day to you too!! xo