reality?

*image from celebug.com

Do you ever get suckered drawn into a "reality" show? I don't mean the Discovery Channel, that is far too educational and far too real. I mean shows where Hummer-driving, designer wearing, champagne lunching, plastic surgeon frequenting women educate us on the harsh realities of being a housewife in North America. And don't forget the shows where men and women search high and low through a series of exotic dates to find real love, because they are far too hideous to have any luck dating in the real world. I mean, just look at them, poor little bachelors and bachelorettes. There is a sub-category of reality shows like Project Runway, the Voice, So You Think You Can Dance, but these are based on having actual talent, so I'm excluding them from this dialogue.
Earlier this week, my little girl went to bed at a decent time and the hubby had to work late, so I settled in with a cup of tea and turned on the TV. The Bachelor was on. I haven't watched it this season but had to laugh (and watch) at the drama unfolding before my eyes.
The Bachelor was doing his round of hometown visits (where he meets the family of the final four women he's narrowed his marriage search down to) and inevitably has a conversation with a parent that, just in case he chooses their daughter (who he's known for a solid month) for marriage, he has their blessing. "Well, Bachelor, Sean is it? Do you love my daughter?" "Well Sir/M'am, I can't say at this point because there are other women involved, but if I choose your daughter, can I count on your blessing?" I know, eerie because it's so realistic, right?
What made this particular episode so funny was that one of the bachelor's final four women (Des) had an outspoken brother who called the bachelor out for being a playboy and told Des that this isn't the way to find real love, that she will only get hurt. She cried and looked at him like he was the biggest asshole to walk the earth. (Doesn't he know that three couples of the 24 shows have had success?) He was portrayed as downright being crazy and a loose cannon.
The bachelor was incensed that his character was attacked. A playboy?!? How dare he!
Cut to next seen of bachelor clinking champagne glasses with final three women (Des wasn't picked and was left heartbroken). "You three women are the ones for me!" Sean was right, no playboy would ever utter such a phrase.
There's a few trends I've noticed on these reality shows:

• At one point, in any given season, someone will utter the phrase: "She isn't on the show for the right reasons!" (You're absolutely right. How dare she use TV as a vessel to try and launch her acting career.)
• "Coming Up, an episode EVERYONE will be talking about!" (I know most of our meetings at work start with reality show updates before we get down to business.)
• There is always someone who is batshit crazy, who miraculously keeps evading being voted off until the final few episodes of a series.  They are always portrayed as being different off camera. (I'm sure the producers would never want to purposefully have drama on the show). 
• People who despise one another are always kept in close quarters with plenty of free alcohol flowing. (I don't know about you, but I love hanging out with my mortal enemies.)
• There will always be a "real housewife" who has a music career to launch. She will discover her lifelong dream to pursue singing when she is in her forties.
• Tossed off bachelors/bachelorettes who openly weep in the long limo ride home, and say things with snot dripping down their faces like: "They'll regret that decision!" will most likely regret that footage when they see it.
• If you find yourself on a televised Group Date with one man and nine other women, you should probably do some soul searching or become a mormon.

Happy Friday friends!