incredible....

Tonight I arrived home to find this giant box of art supplies, including paints, canvasses, waiting for me. My friend Forbes, who has been one of the biggest support systems - snuck it over to my house, full of projects for my daughter, mom and I to work on together.
I honestly think it is one of the most thoughtful gestures. I was chatting with someone today about how I feel like I'm in the real throws of life right now - fully feeling it all - the truest sorrow my heart has ever known combined with the most incredible awe, for these kind hearts that keep showing up time and time again to reveal the most beautiful support. My mom's friends went over today to do her ironing and plant vegetables in her garden. Seriously, how amazing is this network? I think they could change the world. xo

feeling lucky....

Today I got to spend time visiting my mom and then went to Craig's mom's birthday. With all that is happening in our lives right now, I have never felt luckier to live so close to our families and be able to spend all of this quality time with them.  

When I was running today, I was thinking about how we're so often told that it's the pursuit of happiness that we're all striving for. We've seen the shelves lining the book stores with every self help guru trying to cash in on their shortcuts to becoming happy. But isn't happiness just an emotion, like sadness, anger, etc? Isn't it just a temporary feeling that settles in for a bit, depending on what is happening in our life? I think the greater pursuit, should be one where we're functioning at a level of deep satisfaction - soul fulfillment. It's one thing to go through the arbitrary checklist: career, home, car, spouse, children, investments, travel.....or whatever we're "supposed" to have achieved. But I know so many people who have all the right boxes checked off, who exist in a plane of tremendous dissatisfaction because they're clinging onto someone else's checklist. They haven't put enough of what speaks to them into their lives. My joys are simple: time spent with my family/friends, time spent in nature, time for my creative outlets (photography, writing, art, music, reading), exercise and exploring new places with my loves. I'm so entirely grateful for this because it means most of my days are spent injected with things that fulfill me and they don't have anything to do with my bank account balance. Here's a website I highly recommend for how to look at your life in a new, more meaningful way: Becoming Minimalist. xoxo

at my door......

I came home to find this treasure of gifts waiting for me. Magazines + homemade chocolate cookies = a very happy Kelly. I can't thank my friends enough. This generous combo was from my friend Tricia, who seriously has angel wings lifting me through this. I have also received numerous check-ins today from friends wondering how mom made out with her first chemo appointment. Honestly, I know people with gorgeous hearts. I wish I was Oprah and could gather them all in a room and say, "you get a car! And you get a car!...." and repay them for all of this moral support.
Life can turn on a dime, but when you have people who show up for you in the face of adversity, you really do have everything. xoxo

chemo

I snapped this photo while driving (hello distracted driver) to Mom's chemo appointment on Friday. It was a gorgeous, sunny afternoon, and I love the architecture of this bridge (The Port Mann). Looking at this photo, I am reminded how each of us are these pillars, made up of all of these levels of support holding us up. (Putting my English lit degree to excellent use via analysis).  While sitting in the chemo room, mom and I were saying how we've never seen a greater support system than hers, and really hope that all of this amazing positive energy gives us more time together.
To be honest, I was a bundle of nerves going into Mom's chemo appointment. I was worried that it was going to make her feel so much worse than she already did. I was worried that it was going to deplete her energy when she needs it the more than ever to battle this.
The cancer patient is allowed one visitor at a time to sit with them, while they are receiving chemo. Dad and I were going to take turns back and forth. Dad went first because mom wanted him there while she got the IV put in. It took the nurses one hour to get the IV in. Apparently mom isn't too veiny. She would have made a horrible heroin addict. I cracked open my book and glanced up every now and then as discreetly as possible at the people sharing the waiting room with me, most of them cancer patients. I saw women younger than me without any hair, older women, swapping stories and laughing about various doctor appointments. I saw older men swapping iphone tips, making me smile.  I was tremendously moved by the people around me. They were so courageous, and had so much dignity. I began to wonder how many people we walk by in our day to day lives are battling cancer. I also realized how many people could really learn a thing or two from seeing these people, facing life's biggest struggle, with such a positive attitude, when we complain about so many stupid little things in life that really aren't important in the grand scheme of things. Trust me, your health is everything.
When it was my turn to go in, I went to find mom's spot in the chemo room. The space was divided into various nurses's station, with each nurse having four recliners in her section for patients to sit and receive their chemo IV drip. I saw older women, showing the nurses photos of their grandchildren, people holding hands with their visitor, people going through their treatment alone. The nurses were outstanding: positive, upbeat - the perfect disposition for people who really need it most. After four hours of chatting, and mom drifting in and out of sleep (might have been my stories) - we were ready to go home. It is imperative that chemo patients check their temperatures frequently to see if they are reacting to their treatment and if so, to go to emergency right away, where they show a card and immediately jump the line up because your body could go septic. Upon hearing this, I was afraid of how mom's body would respond. But during her first night post treatment, she slept well, and woke up without nausea, so I am over the moon. This is really a process to be taken one day at a time, but then again, so is life, right? xoxo
Friday's 365.

with these two at my side.....

You know when you've had a tough day, and this sign is posted on the outside of your front door awaiting your arrival, that you are lucky. I was going to write tonight, but am going to tuck in, big day ahead. xoxo

Is that a bundt? Why yes it is.

When the chips are down, you make a bundt. I'm pretty sure that's a famous quote. 

My little gal and I whipped up this banana bread for my mom today and spent the afternoon in her garden. It was a wonderful visit. I also had a great run today, with a few Aha moments that I'll share with you tomorrow. Goodnight friends xoxo

on a night like this....

Happy April lovelies!! Did you pull off any good pranks today? 

It was one of those gorgeous Spring nights, where we just wanted to soak up every last drop of sunlight we could. We played in the garden (I use the word garden very loosely - it's more like an assortment of weeds that are strategically placed that from afar might be mistaken for a garden), chalked up the sidewalk and ran along the beach. And yes, the 1980s called my daughter, and wanted their look back.

I bought a giant piece of paper to scribble out my goals for April - do you ever do that? I think it must be my inner need to have a list of fun to offset taxes. Here's to a beautiful month ahead! xoxo