pieces of the puzzle

Hi lovely friends. I hope you had a wonderful weekend! This past weekend I finally sent off all of my paperwork to search for my birth parents. I have attempted this in the past, only to come up empty handed. I'm not really expecting different results this go-round, because my birth parents have a no contact declaration on my file, which is typical of adoptions in the '70s. And I get it. It's a decision they made when they were young and more than likely they just wanted to move along with their lives and put it behind them. But recently I found out that if I can get an undertaking form notarized within 90 days of receiving my adoption search results, I can at least have access to my adoption records. At this point of my life, I'll take whatever little nugget of information I can get. So, all I might find out is my original name, or a small file of medical information, but at least it is something. Here is the bare bones information I have about my birth parents:

Mother: 20. French Scottish. Pretty. 5'4", 125 pounds. Brown hair, green eyes, medium complexion. Quiet. Thoughtful. Bright. Charming. Interested in tennis, swimming, skiing, skating, music and reading.

Father: 21. English Scottish. 6' medium build. Curly red hair, blue eyes, fair freckled complexion. Outgoing. Likeable. Extremely athletic - plays hockey, basketball, football. University student.

As soon as I had this little blue-eyed, curly red headed daughter of mine, the most common question I'm always asked is, "where does she get that bright red hair from?" Based on the information I have, it is easy for me to see that she has my birth father's colouring. And with that little match in physicality, I became instantly intrigued with my past. Are my birth parents still together? What was her birth experience like with me? Do I have any siblings out there? Does Stella have any little red headed cousins? What's my medical history? Have they ever tried to find me? Are they both still alive and healthy? Do they have families of their own? There's a lot of information that I'll probably never know, but having a child of my own has definitely piqued my interest in finding out whatever I can. 

Being adopted, there are certain trademark personality traits that I possess: a lack of identity, a deeply rooted sense of abandonment (I'm always afraid that family or friends are simply going to leave) and desperately wanting to feel like I belong somewhere. It is also challenging to visit doctors and have "adopted" as my answer about my family medical history. I am hoping through this search that I can obtain any little piece of information to help me build upon my sense of self. 

Ever since going through a pregnancy and birth, and all that it involves (the nausea, my body's physical changes, the baby's step-by-step development, the 9+ months of taking good care of myself through nutrition and exercise, the bonding experience of birth), I feel so much admiration for the woman who endured a whole pregnancy, gave birth and then selflessly gave me up. I can't even wrap my mind around how difficult it would be to go through all of that and then leave the hospital empty handed. It is such a brave, altruistic decision. She'd be 60 now. I'd love to tell her that I ended up with amazing parents and have a really happy home life of my own, in case she ever wondered if she did the right thing.

Stella's Birth Story

I wanted to write about Stella's journey into this world, even though it is emotionally difficult and raw for me to write about.
I started feeling contractions at 4 am on Saturday, Dec. 17th (4 hours after getting home from the Prince concert). The contractions weren't too painful and I thought I was going to be a champion at labour. Bring it on! Once they were five minutes apart and gaining momentum, I called the hospital to see if it was time to come in. The maternity ward nurse said it would be good to come in for an assessment. In the assessment room, they determined that I was only 1 cm dilated and would have to send me home. As soon as I stood up from the hospital bed, I started to vomit. As I was vomiting, my water broke. (Clean up in aisle five!) I was lucky because only 15% of women have their water naturally break before labour.  (Most women have to have the doctors break their water for them).
In seeing my water break, the nurse said, "Well, forget what I just said, you are staying now, we're checking you in." Suddenly I was brought into my own private room and was preparing for labour. The contractions came fast and furious. I tried every breathing technique under the sun:  fast short breaths, deep long breaths, yoga breathing- you name it - I tried it. I counted backwards, did the alphabet backwards, anything to try and keep my mind off the pain. Eventually, I just couldn't stay on top of the pain and kept turning to Craig, begging for him to make it stop. I asked the nurse if it was possible at this point to get an epidural. She checked and because I was 4 cm dilated, they called in the Anesthesiologist (or as I like to refer to him, a God in a smock.) When he put the needle in my back, I instantly felt like a new woman. Suddenly I was able to talk, to laugh, to rest - I was even considering naming our child epidural. At that point in time, it was THE BEST decision I had ever made in my entire life. I was so happy. The on call doctor swung through in a cavalier fashion. I wasn't impressed by how little he seemed to care about my labour. He went out Christmas tree shopping and the nurses were trying their hardest to get him back to the hospital. When he returned, he determined that I was already 10 cm dilated. It was showtime. At 4 pm, he got me to start pushing. I gave it everything I had. I was so excited because he said that most first time moms give birth within two hours. I was so thrilled that we'd have a baby in our arms by 6 pm.  Everytime I pushed, I had to hoist myself upright using a towel slung over a railing. I had to push for 30 seconds every two minutes. It quickly became exhausting, and as the epidural wore off, quickly became painful. Craig helped lift me during my contractions so that I could push. The doctor kept encouraging me, "You're so close, don't give up, think of your baby!" Even when I had nothing left in me, I kept going. (I was also vomiting water every second or third contraction). After four hours of pushing, yes, four hours, the on call doctor finally got the OB/GYN to examine me. Within 20 seconds of feeling inside, she said that I should never have been pushing in the first place, that the baby was stuck far up in my pelvis. She immediately called for an emergency C section without hesitation. She said that the baby was too far up inside of me for forceps or a vacuum. By 9 pm, I was having a spinal and getting strapped to a gurney. Stella was born at 9:15 pm. The OB/GYN said it was the most difficult C section she had performed. After four hours of pushing, my uterus ruptured as soon as they opened me. The OB/GYN was able to salvage it quickly, enabling me to have children again if we so choose. Unfortunately, I lost a lot of blood and was a borderline case for getting a transfusion. As soon as they lifted Stella in the air, and I heard her cry, I burst into tears, so happy that she was safe and sound. They quickly checked her over and wrapped her up snuggly, resting her in our arms. I went into convulsions as a side effect from the spinal, and had to have Craig take Stella away, in fear that I would drop her. Craig went with Stella and the nurses up to the maternity ward and I stayed for a few hours of post op. On Sunday morning, the OB/GYN checked the bag hooked up to my catheter and was alarmed that it only contained blood, no urine. She called in a urologist who broke the news to me that I would have to have surgery that afternoon. He rushed me downstairs for some cat scans and bladder examinations. They were worried that the ureter (the tube connecting the kidneys to the bladder) was damaged from all the pushing. I wept when he told me about the surgery. I felt like I was constantly being pulled away from Stella, and physically I felt that I had nothing left in me to give. I hadn't had anything other than water since Friday, and they told me I couldn't have anything because it would delay the surgery. They wanted to put a shunt through my ureter to see if it was blocked, and if it was blocked, they were going to have to re-open my C section incision and reconnect my ureter to another part of my bowel. Luckily, the doctor was able to get a shunt successfully through the ureter and vacuumed out blood clots that were taking up my bladder. By Sunday night, I was back in the ward with Stella and Craig and on the road to recovery.
I am happy to report that the OB/GYN is launching an investigation against the on-call doctor, who she said should never had had me push in the first place, let alone for four hours. The hospital is doing an audit on him and wants me to write them a letter about everything. It gets me upset to speak about because I feel that he needlessly put my baby's life in jeopardy, and has no idea how long our road was to get to her. I am so thrilled she's happy, healthy and at home safe in our arms. Our little Stella has proven to be a real trooper. xo

Introducing Stella Ruby Williams

Notice how she's flipping the bird in this shot? That's our baby girl! 

She's finally here. After all the months of wondering who was growing inside my belly, we finally got to meet our beautiful little girl Stella Ruby Williams on Dec. 17th at 9:15 pm, weighing in at 8 lbs 8 ounces.  When I saw the doctors hoist her in the air, my heart absolutely burst. We are head over heels in love. I will write more in days to come and take some photos.  Promise. It's our first day at home and we are busy setting up our little new life together. Here are a few photos of our new family. Peace and love. xoxo 

the waiting game

I honestly feel like a little kid who is trying their hardest to fall asleep on Christmas Eve, but is too ramped up with excitement about what is to come. I toss and turn all night - I really can't wait to meet this little baby, to finally see them and to hold him or her for the first time. I keep envisioning everything - hearing Craig announce if it's a boy or a girl, seeing him hold our baby for the first time and knowing this is finally our time- our baby that we get to keep. I can't wait to introduce the baby to our parents, siblings and friends. The waiting is tough. It shouldn't be. I should be basking in these quieter moments before this little one bursts on the scene. But, I have definitely come to realize I'm not good at simply relaxing. I'm not a feet up kind of gal. TV doesn't really interest me much (with the exception of Breaking Bad, which blows my mind). Reading during the day is tough, it feels like too much of a luxury, I'm constantly distracted, itching to go out and visit friends. I don't know if it's from working on a fast paced trade floor for so long or if it's just part of my make up - but even when we travel, I prefer to load up a jeep and hit the road to explore remote locations instead of simply lying on a beach. So having the doctor tell me to just take it easy has been anything but. Do you find it easy to relax? Are you good at just having a day in? 

the home stretch

Each day now I wake up thinking, will this be the day? Our due date is Dec. 11, so it feels like it is rapidly approaching. I still vividly remember finding out I was pregnant, running down the street after Craig (who was walking to work) and leaping up into his arms waving the pregnancy test around like a crazy woman holding a winning lottery ticket. It seems like just yesterday and yet the journey of pregnancy itself is a long road. Last night the baby kept me up with another big bout of vomiting. I will not miss nights like those, but I will miss the phenomenon of pregnancy. I can't express how grateful I am of having the amazing fortune to experience this. It was something I never thought I'd get to do and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. All I wish is that every woman whose heart yearns to have a baby gets to experience it. I honestly still wake up in disbelief that our dream came true. It was years in the making, so please don't give up hope if you're also struck with fertility issues. You never know when your luck will change. I will miss having this little buddy with me wherever I go. I will miss that private feeling of having this little boy or girl moving and kicking inside of me. But now I am definitely ready to meet this little person who has shared my body for the past 38 1/2 weeks. Sorry for so many baby updates lately, but when the birth is looming this closely, it's really all I can think about. I'm just waiting for the baby to let me know when they're ready to meet us. I told Craig it's feels like someone's going to tap me on the shoulder in the night and say, "You know that marathon you haven't trained for? Well get up because you're about to run it. It might take you awhile to get to the finish line and it might hurt like hell along the way, but you'll make it."

the final countdown...

Two weeks to go.
This weekend our friends surprised us with a baby shower. I was completely shocked.  Our friend Tabb, who hails from Virginia, invited the gang over for a traditional American Thanksgiving feast. So, when we walked in and saw their place decorated with baby stuff, I burst into tears. The support and kindness that we have been shown throughout this process has been absolutely amazing. I've learned so much from our friends, their experiences in parenthood, their amazing skill sets, their suggestions, their heartfelt enthusiasm. It's getting so close and yet I don't feel quite ready. I mean technically, we're ready. The room is set up.  We've been generously inundated with gifts, clothes, supplies, everything a little bean could possibly need. From a position of "stuff", we're definitely ready. But on Friday night, while out walking the dog, I turned to Craig and just teared up. It suddenly occurred to me that for 17 years, it's been about us, just us. And I love what we've created together- our love, our friendship, our adventures, our teamwork. Are we really ready to have someone come in and tip that on its side?
I know that life will be different. It will be enriched yet challenging, bigger, yet somehow more insular, it  will be everything we dreamt of and yet nothing we could have ever predicted. I know we'll love being parents, we both have wanted this for so long. But now that the due date is just two weeks away, I'm feeling desperate to have a few more romantic dinners, a few more shared moments where we are fully engrossed in each other's company and not distracted, a few more evenings where it's just "us." I guess the fact that the clock is quickly counting down now just makes me sentimental about how lucky we've been to have all of this time together. I hope this new baby loves our little family as much as I do.

the name game

Nearing the home stretch, we're working down our baby name lists.  It's definitely a tricky process. I struggle with decision making at the best of times, and this decision feels BIG. What is most important to you when you're thinking of baby names? Some people prefer to name their baby after a valued family member. (My dad keeps campaigning for his name, Christopher).  Some new parents like the idea of choosing a popular name so their child doesn't have to worry about being teased. Then there are those lucky ones who just know their favourite name, have carried it with them in anticipation of having children one day, and do not sway from that decision. For others the meaning of the name plays a big part. My primary goal when choosing a name was to pick something a little more unique and something that didn't begin with the K sound because our family is already made up of : Karen, Kelsey, Craig, Claire, Carol, Chris, Kelly.....it gets a bit Crazy. I know that whatever name we choose might not please everyone and that's ok. It's human nature to associate names with those we encounter throughout our lives, some for better, some for worse. I thought I'd share with you our top ten names for boys and girls in random order.  We're going to try to narrow our choices down in the next few days and go to the hospital with a few top picks and then just see what suits the baby the most. I picked up a great baby naming book this weekend called A is for Atticus. It is full of more unique names based on characters from amazing works of literature. It's a great book for those looking for something off the beaten path.
Here's our girl's list in random order:

• stella
• audrey
• sophie
• ruby
• olivia
• hannah
• ava
• paige
• grace
• autumn

Here's our boy's list in random order: 

• parker
• ethan
• noah
• lucas
• ryan
• owen
• finn
• benjamin
• charlie
• logan

baby steps

Tonight the first snowfall left it's pretty dusting across the yard. It was the perfect night to cozy up by the fire with a cup of tea. I've hit the 37 week mark of this pregnancy and I have to admit, I'm feeling a little trepidation. We had a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital last night and the home stretch is definitely feeling imminent now. The rooms are amazing - the hospital recently opened a new maternity ward where the suites are like fancy hotel rooms, complete with beds for mom, partner and baby, a flat screen tv, a big shower and bathtub, warming station for the baby, birthing yoga balls, mini re-fridgerator, a view of the ocean, the list goes on and on, but all I could stare at was the delivery bed. The delivery bed that is outfitted with bars to hang on to if you want gravity to aid in the birth. Can I do this? Millions upon millions of women have given birth. I am a pretty calm and relaxed person by nature, surely I can embrace the beauty of this miraculous moment. But creeping in the back of my mind is the thought that I will lose it during delivery, cling to the hospital bed bars, and advise my husband that I have decided to just keep the baby in my belly. And by advise, I mean scream at the top of my lungs. And by scream, I mean swear like a trucker. We can just enjoy parenting this baby through the womb and that will be just fine. I think it's just the self-doubt that creeps in when a dream is about to be realized. I've held this dream so close to my heart for all these years that the fact it's so close now, I am so eager to see it brought to fruition and want to succeed at it in the biggest way. I want this baby to know that they are loved. I want them to feel safe and cherished, to feel worthy, to embrace their talents, their purpose, their passions in life. I want to share in exploring the world together, to see the world through their eyes as they grow and learn. I want to create volumes of memories that bring joy to their heart. I want them to see me light up whenever they enter a room. I want to feel that first feeling of having them placed in my arms and finally meeting them after all this time. We're so close now, I cannot wait. But if only they could arrive by stork, like I was taught in the cartoons.

You know you're pregnant when......

I hit 35 weeks pregnant this week, only 5 weeks to go! As this body gets more challenging to haul around, I thought of 10 reasons you know you're pregnant: (in no particular order)

You know you're pregnant when........
10: The only time your bed is creaking these days is when you climb in
9: You classify putting on your shoes as part of your daily workout
8: You've mastered sleepwalking to the toilet
7: You apply stretch mark cream to your ankles
6: You refer to your panties as your big girl underwear
5: Your standing drink order is a Shirley Temple, on the rocks, and there better be a cherry in it, or else you are going to absolutely lose your shit
4: Shaving is done with blind ambition
3: Your outfits contain more stretched out fabric than a trampoline
2: Ducks envy your waddle
1: The last thing between your legs was a body pillow

a beautiful addition to the world

Today I had the amazing honour of meeting one of my dearest friend's new baby girl. They are still working on her name and once they finalize it, I will update this posting. She was born yesterday and weighs 7 lbs, 7 ounces. She has two beautiful moms and will definitely be surrounded by a lot of love. I teared up as soon as I saw her for the first time. I have shared this pregnancy journey closely with my friend and now that her little one is here, I'm just so overwhelmingly happy for them all. It really blows my mind to think this perfectly formed baby was all cozy in her mom's belly, just a few short days ago. The human body is truly remarkable. I am so excited for them that they finally get to meet her, to carry her, to hold her little wrinkly hands and to look into her eyes. I think our baby is going to be so lucky to have this sweet little girl as a friend.

8 months pregnant - another photo for the fridge

This photo was taken on Wednesday after our fifth ultrasound. I love any chance we get to see the baby moving around inside. This time the technician told us that the baby had turned head down. (Yay!) This means instead of lying transverse (horizontally) across my belly, the baby is now vertical, which is what we were hoping for. Now that the baby has turned, I've never felt so much movement. I think the baby is liberated with their new space. It's pretty exciting. Sometimes we just lie there and watch the belly show - you can see feet kick and huge waves move across my skin. I find it more entertaining than anything on   TV these days. I never thought I'd enjoy pregnancy as much as I am. I feel like this baby has given us the greatest gift. Now if they can just miraculously appear in our arms without the whole pesky labour side of things, that would be the best.

31 weeks pregnant

Hi lovely friends. I felt a little nervous to post this photo because it feels a little bare but I wanted to document the changes that come with pregnancy. Putting on shoes is definitely an event now - often involving me teetering over in some kind of grandiose way. I seriously can't understand how men with big beer guts manage. We have approximately two months before we get to meet this little baby. I keep picturing that moment when they lay the baby on my chest and I get to finally see them - I seriously can't wait. We have no idea if it's a boy or girl - it's definitely the most frequent question that we are asked.  So far, our family and friends all speculate that it's a girl. I honestly have no guesses either way. The baby is still lying in a transverse position (horizontally across my belly) - which occurs in approx. 1 in 2500 babies and explains why my belly is carrying the baby so low. This transverse position allows the baby to jab their hands and feet into my ribcage, which I keep trying to explain to them isn't a set of monkey bars. I know there's not much to play with in there, but the rib jabs can really hurt. I'm spending a lot of time trying different yoga positions to turn the baby so that it is vertically head down - it's the only way I'll be able to deliver the baby naturally. I have another ultrasound appointment next week which will determine if it's changed position at all. The doctors also ordered the ultrasound to see how the baby is developing, as right now it is only measuring in the 10th percentile, which is really surprising to me given that my hubby is 6'5" and I'm 5'7". We're not exactly "petite" people.
If there's one piece of advice I can give to expectant moms, it is that too much information can be a bad thing. Ever since I heard my doctor say, "10th percentile," I've been researching information on the internet and have grown increasingly concerned with what I was discovering, to the point where I wasn't sleeping properly. I even called the on-duty doctor at the mat clinic to ask a few more questions because waiting to see my own doctor next week just felt too far off. They told me not to worry and that they weren't seeing anything in my file that was triggering any alarm bells. It was definitely the reassurance I needed. Each week seems to come with new discoveries and hurdles, but I am so thankful that I've had the chance to experience pregnancy, for years I thought pregnancy would never be a possibility and even with the ups and downs that come with it - it's really been the most incredible experience - profoundly connecting me to my physical self and this little being. I better go do some stretching, the baby is all up in my grill again! Have a great day!

29 weeks

A lot has developed during this week's edition of "The very young and extremely restless". I had an ultrasound and found out the baby is lying transversed with their legs stretched out and crossed (as demonstrated in the photo above). I couldn't stop giggling when I saw the image because the tech said she's never seen such a relaxed little baby. It doesn't surprise me that our child is chilled right out given that we're both quite laid back people. However, if the baby doesn't turn to the vertically-aligned, head down position during the next six weeks or so, I will have to have a c section. Even the most talented of women can't deliver a sideways-turned baby. I have found some great yoga positions that help try to naturally turn the baby, so here's hoping that he/she doesn't get too attached to their reclined lifestyle or maybe I'll have to buy a child sized lazyboy chair for their room. I also found out this week that I'm Anemic (from lack of iron), which didn't surprise me too much since I don't eat any red meat. And last night I discovered that spicy foods trigger projectile vomiting: the baby simply has no appreciation for my love of curry. What a wussy! Each week this baby teaches me a lot about our co-habitation. Sorry for all the baby updates, but I have found this whole experience quite fascinating. Have a great night!

28 Weeks

Today I hit the 28 week mark. It's so hard to believe it's been 7 months already. At the 28 week mark, babies are approx. 2.3 pounds and measure 15 inches from head to toe. At this stage they are already blinking their eyes and can see any bright lights shining through your belly. Isn't that wild? There's a tonne of kicking going on and a lot of movement. The baby also reacts to what I eat now. The other day I had Indian food and the baby kicked from 4 - 6 am continuously.  It was fun (at first). But I think I will hold off on the spicy foods for now because I need sleep. At this stage of the game, my biggest craving is lemon. (Lemon slices in ice water, lemon iced tea, lemon bars, lemon juice on salad - you get the idea). My waddle is getting a little quicker, I'm getting more used to these wide strides. Speed waddling might be my new exercise form. I've been blown away at the kindness of strangers (people always offer me up their seat on the bus or Canada line) and they always ask how I am doing/feeling - so sweet. It really is an amazing feeling of gratitude I have for these people. The trickiest part at this stage of the game is sleep (you can only lie on your sides and when I lie on my right side the baby gets pissed off because that is the side of my body they prefer to lie on, and they don't like being squished so they boot me until I turn back onto my left side). Yes, the baby is already getting their way. I'm screwed. I hope you have a fantastic weekend! We are off for a long overdue catch up with some friends tonight. Have a drink for me would you?

the nest is almost ready

*the second photo is the wall mounted book shelf that my father-in-law cleverly designed. He is pure awesomeness. 

nesting

We've almost got the baby's room done. It's been such a fun project to share together. We've got a few more shelves to put up for toys we have bought throughout our travels over the years. My handy-dandy father in law also gave us a great wall mounted book rack that he designed. I can't wait to put it up and show you. It may seem a little funny to have our desk in the baby room, but when your house is on the "cozy" side, like ours, you have to streamline your living space. I know I'll be spending a lot of late nights in the rocking chair, but I can't wait. I've already sat in it a few times just looking around, daydreaming of what's to come. 

the 25 week mark - a private moment

I felt like writing a few things down about what life is like at this stage of pregnancy. I definitely do not feel attractive, I feel like an apple waddling around on a pair of toothpicks. But that being said, I feel like my body is beautiful. Not in the sense that construction workers are going to be whistling as I waddle by, not that kind of beautiful. I just feel such awe in the transformations of the body. I can't believe the roundness of my belly and am fascinated to watch it as the little baby kicks inside. You can actually see sudden jumps in the skin. This has definitely been my favourite part of the pregnancy so far. There is something so comforting about feeling them move around. I feel like it's these private moments that are so bonding. I have felt a bit overwhelmed lately thinking that someone carried me around for nine months and went through all the trials and tribulations of pregnancy. Someone loaned out their body to me when I was kicking inside and probably making them nauseous. I feel so thankful that this person very selflessly decided that I was better off in the hands of another family. For whatever personal reason, they couldn't raise me and instead of subjecting me to a life that they weren't prepared for, decided to let me end up in the arms of an amazing family who were excited and able to care for me. I will probably go my whole life never knowing them - I've tried to search, but have come up empty handed. After experiencing pregnancy first hand, with all of its ups and downs, I am more grateful than ever to such a selfless woman for giving me a healthy start in life.

Happy Friday!

Happy weekend lovely people! I hope you have a beautiful fun filled weekend ahead of you. I just hit the 6 month mark of pregnancy and am feeling larger than life, you know, we're not talking venti-large, we're talking sumo large. Each phase of pregnancy has new "amazing" moments and new "no one warned me about this" kind of moments. It's an interesting balance. At this stage of development the baby is approximately 12 inches long and is well proportioned. I am loving all of the movement and kicking I feel at this point. At night my hubby will lean in, put his hands on my belly and talk to the baby. The baby reacts with some good swift kicks. It's pretty amazing. And to offset these little magical moments are night time charlie horses, projectile vomiting and a little bout of pregnancy hemorrhoids. All make for some sexy night time moments.  But they are all temporary phases that aren't experienced by everyone, just some examples of "surprises" I've come across. One of the best things about being pregnant is the community of women to lean on. I am so fortunate to work with so many young moms and expectant moms who have given me tips and shared in their experiences which help me get through those "what the $&#* is happening to my body" kind of moments. I wouldn't trade any of it in. It was a long and emotional road trying to get pregnant and I feel incredibly lucky to experience it all, the good and the bad, because there is nothing like it. The feeling that this little being is growing within you is beyond definition. I love the quiet moments when I am walking or sitting at work and can feel the baby change position or give a few kicks to remind me that we're in this together. Time to refill my sparkling ice water! :) Have a great night! 

20 weeks

Last night was really exciting - I felt the baby kicking for the first time. This photo definitely proves it - my body is not my own anymore - but I'm more than happy to provide a tummy to house this baby. It's a funny mix - my body feels so foreign to me now - constantly changing, stretching, pulling, shifting and yet I also have never been so interested in what is happening to it. But as an aside, you know that swishing sound people make when they walk in cords? My thighs do that now. 

18 weeks and counting

This week the baby is pepper-sized - about 5 1/2 inches long and 7 ounces in weight. They are busy moving their arms and legs and soon kicking might be noticeable. I can't wait! Amazingly, if we're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are developed and in place already. If we're having a boy, their genitals are now noticeable. We're going to wait until the birth to find out if it's a boy or a girl. If there's one thing I've realized while being pregnant it is that advice and opinions are everywhere. Women should encourage each other's individual plans instead of label them as right or wrong. There are definitely women who think the natural birth plan, sans drugs, is best. There is also a rise in the number of women requesting c-sections. Some women choose to have their babies in hospitals with their OB/GYN while some opt to have their babies at home under the care of a midwife. I think if a woman has done the research, worked with her chosen professional, and put together a plan that best suits her body, who can say otherwise? That being said, we always have to keep in mind that the baby can have a plan of their own. Birth plans can change on THE DAY and you have to be flexible to what the baby needs.  I love talking to the women in my prenatal yoga class and hearing their plans and different birth stories. Tonight my yoga instructor told us the story of her third child's birth. At first she thought she was experiencing false labour at 3a.m. Apparently women who are giving birth to their third child are known to experience a lot of false labour.  She poured herself a cup of tea, made a sandwich and started to do her yoga breathing. She called her mom, who lives in Virginia, and chatted until she realized the pain was too intense to talk anymore. She woke her husband up and he could tell from the groans she was making that the baby was well on her way. Her little boy peed in his bed, so her hubby had to contend with that while she was lying on the living room floor going through her yoga movements. Her water broke and her husband put plastic sheets beneath her and called the midwife. She did some more deep yoga breathing and then told her husband the baby was coming. She wrestled off her yoga pants quickly and felt the baby's head.  By 4:30, their sweet new baby daughter arrived. Her husband rested the baby gently on her belly. They rubbed the baby's back and she started to cry, reassuring them all that her lungs were working well. All of this happened so quickly, that the midwife hadn't even arrived yet. She said it was the most bonding moment she has ever shared with her husband. I love how she said she just surrendered to the moment and used all of her strength instead of fearing the unknown. I was very moved and inspired by her story.