Prince

Say it isn't so. This morning I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me hearing the news that Prince had passed away. I am not exaggerating when I say that he single handedly influenced my life's soundtrack more than any other soul. He was my number one, by such a lengthy distance, that I don't even know who number two would be.
When I was 10 years old and heard the song 1999 for the first time, I was immediately hooked. It was like my passion for music exploded. I watched the video repeatedly, awestruck by this charismatic singer who seemed to come out of nowhere. I read everything I could about him. I ran out immediately and got the album and desperately wished I was in his band. I devoured everything that he put out: I ran out and bought some of his older albums like Dirty Mind and Controversy...and as the years went on: Purple Rain, Around the World in a Day, Parade, Sing O The Times, Lovesexy, Batman, Graffiti Bridge, Diamonds and Pearls, Love Symbol, The Hits, Come, The Gold Experience, Emancipation....I even remember taking a bus into Vancouver specifically because I heard a record store had a rare copy of the Black Album.  I remember finding out one of my college professors liked Prince, and we would engage in these incredible discussions about how he influenced us. I think I belong to a giant legion of fans who just appreciated what he was doing - that he was constantly re-emerging with new sounds, pushing the envelope, taking a genre and turning it on it's head....I felt moved listening to his music, I felt sexy, I felt like I wanted to dance until I couldn't dance anymore. I wanted to be Sheila E and play the drums for him. I wanted to be part of his band The Revolution in any capacity I could. I would dance night after night in our basement to his music, determined that one day I'd be a back up dancer for him on his tour. I just wanted so desperately to be in the vicinity of his creativity because something about his music connected to me on a scale that no one else had. I bought up sheet music to his songs to play on the piano, bought up albums of artists that he mentored, like Sheila E, The Time, Wendy & Lisa...I just loved his funky hook, his sexy riffs and how he emancipated himself from his record label so that he could keep doing what he loved, without restrictions. I love the fact that he was so shy to interview, but when he hit a stage, he was larger than life, he had the dance moves of Michael Jackson/James Brown, and the guitar skills of a funkier Jimi Hendrix. I am so thrilled that I got to take some of my best friends and my hubby to some of his shows, to share him with them. The last Prince show I went to, I was six days overdue, and people thought I was crazy for getting tickets. But, it ended up being my favourite show of his, and I went into labour when I got home. I love that he is part of our birth story and I can't wait to introduce my daughter to his music.

You might not know that Prince also wrote several songs for other artists, like: Nothing Compares to U (performed by Sinead O Connor), The Glamorous Life  & A Love Bizarre (Sheila E), Manic Monday (The Bangles), Love, Thy Will Be Done (Martika), How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore (Alicia Keys), When You Were Mine (Cyndi Lauper) It's been an emotional day, but a beautiful day too. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all of the artists who site him as their biggest influence....artists who I really respect. His genius was far reaching and as sad as I am that I will never get to see him perform live again....I have been listening to his music all evening which is like embracing a friend you haven't seen in awhile....
His music was bar none, one of the greatest gifts my life has ever received.
I like to think he's up there throwing a giant party tonight.....

You are all familiar with his hits, but here's a few of my all time favourite songs, in case you haven't caught them:
The Beautiful Ones
Computer Blue
Controversy
Darling Nikki
Paisley Park
It
If I was Your Girlfriend
Sexy MF
Erotic City
17 Days


Rest In Peace sweet Prince. xo

Happiness is.....(photos from the week)...

 Time shared with my loves. Friends who feel like family, well, it doesn't get any better than that. At one point we were all singing together in the kitchen, karaoke style, as we cooked together. Those are life's best moments.

   Time to savour the great outdoors. Nothing is better for the soul, in my humble opinion. Walking alongside the river, breathing in all of that fresh air, reminding ourselves that we are merely passing through what will be here long after we're gone. Nature demands our respect, reminds us of our connectedness and facilitates our curiosity. Get outside.

 A new book and a cup of joe - one of my all time favourite combinations. Bliss.

 Dinner time is our time together at the table. No tv. No phones. Just us, being our goofy selves.

 Watching her ride with such confidence, while doubling her bff: I just run alongside grinning, cheering her on.

Getting back to dance classes. (hip hop). It doesn't even feel like exercise because it is so much damn fun.

what a day for a daydream.....

Hello friends! How is your long weekend going? So far, we've had a lovely mix of family time and time spent with friends. I'm thoroughly loving the new crispness in the air, aren't you? I think what makes us unique, what makes us individuals, is the blend of our passions. Every one carries around a different mix of what interests them, what lights them up from the inside out. And as individuals, I think it is so important to make sure we keep tapping into those things that keep our light ablaze. I personally think the world is a better place when people are taking responsibility and dedicating time to what makes them truly happiest. Walking around in the beautiful sun today with my two big loves, feeling birds eat right off our hands, being surrounded by endless expansive natural beauty and having time to snap photos felt like the perfect day. I'm really paying attention to these moments, to these times that feel sublime, and trying to douse my days more frequently with them. Don't you love it when you are experiencing those things that make you so happy deep down to your toes, that you can't help but grin from ear to ear all day? Next week I start up dance classes, and personally, I cannot wait. It's definitely one of those things that makes me feel like I'm deeply connected to what brings me the greatest joy. What are some of your biggest passions? (Aside from the love you carry for your family/friends). I'd say mine are travelling, hiking, photography, writing, dance classes, interior design and making people laugh. Don't you love it when you meet people who dedicate time to their passions? I find it truly inspiring - like when my friend Janet talks to me about how to set up a garden, or when my friend Tammy uses her baking skills to help local charities, when I see my friend Caroline teach children, or when I eat anything my friend Alicia has cooked. This world is a better place because they are dedicating time to their incredible passions. So, take a moment for yourself this weekend, to dedicate time to something that cranks up the switch on your light. xoxo

resilience

I just wanted to show you, that life goes on. I remember when my mom was first diagnosed, I told one of my good friends that they may have to step in when my mom is gone, to peel me off the floor. I didn't think I'd have the capability to parent my child, I didn't think I'd be able to function in my day to day life. But I'm hear to tell you, the hardest part was definitely the process of cancer, I feel much stronger now than I ever would have ever anticipated. Maybe it was the fact that I was glued to my mom's side during this whole journey, or maybe it was the incredible support we received, or maybe it was watching my mom stare down life with so much strength and humility, but I am embracing my days. Once you face one of your worst fears, life gets a lot simpler. You realize how much stuff people complain about that isn't anything at all. You see with razor sharp focus what is important. You also  gain confidence knowing that you can do hard things. Believe me, I never, ever, would have expected myself to be this strong after everything, but you are a lot more resilient than you think. 

I finally mustered up the courage to go through all of mom's photos last night. As hard as it was to see her beautiful face, and feel all the teary-eyed pangs of missing her,  I was so thrilled to see someone who truly lived her life - so many wonderful vacations with friends, so many sweet moments with my dad, not to mention how absolutely remarkable she was as a mother and grandmother. She loved her life so thoroughly, and only wanted more of it. You can't ask for more than that. That's what I wish for everyone I love - to be so amped about their lives. My biggest goals now are to really enjoy my days and to keep the family bond strong, because mom really was the glue to it all. I think she'd be happy knowing how much my brother, dad and I check in with one another. Since her death I look for little signs of her everywhere. Sometimes a robin will just sit next to me for a long time in the garden, and I'll think of her. I'll see a perfect rose open up, and think of her. I'll feel the sun on my face and think of her. I'll laugh so hard with my daughter and husband, and think, this is how she felt with us. She's really a part of me now, and there is tremendous comfort in that. xoxo

and so it is.......

Hello friends, it is with the deepest sadness that I let you know on May 4th, my dear mom passed away.  These past 15 months have been the most profound of my life. I had to learn to say goodbye to someone who meant everything to me and our family. She was the heart of us. It's safe to say I have cried almost every day since her diagnosis, trying to prepare, but never fully able to. On May 1, she was admitted into hospice. When I arrived, I was the only one in the room with her for awhile. I laid down beside her and burst into tears, and told her how much I loved her and how more than anything in the world, I wanted to take this cancer away from her. She wiped my cheeks and said, "I know you love me dear. It's going to be okay, we knew this was coming for awhile." Here she was, in the face of death, and she was still mothering me. She fell asleep shortly after. I never saw her awake again after that. Those were the last words she'd say to me. Well, those words and when she first saw me walk in the room, she noticed I was wearing a black t-shirt and told me to wear brighter colours, which made me giggle. Over the weekend, her hospice room was filled with friends and family members, quietly whispering in her ear, kissing her cheeks, saying their goodbyes. It was incredibly moving.
My mom's doctor came in and said that she had never worked with someone like my mom before, so selfless, never complained throughout her whole year. I was so touched that she told me that. Sometimes I would sit in the hospice on my own by her side, reading and holding her hand. Even though she slept the whole time, I wanted her to know I was right there, that it was okay to die. I really didn't want her to die alone. On Monday, May 4th, she had a steady stream of visitors all morning, and when we had all gone home for dinner, she passed away, just with my dad by her side, exactly how she would have wanted it. We all rushed back and just sat with her in her room for awhile as a family, gathered by her side - walking out of that room was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Then someone told us to look outside, and the sky was lit up by the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen. It felt like it was stretching right from below her room across the ocean. It was as if she was shouting to all of us that she was happy, that she was finally through this gruelling fight.
This year we learned how truly remarkable our support system is. My mom's circle of friends formed the molly maids, and would visit her regularly to clean her home and fill up their freezer with homemade meals. My mom's good friends would regularly collect her laundry, would bring by dinners almost nightly, would plant gorgeous flowers in her garden for her to look at, they just kept showing up and making sure that she didn't have to focus on anything other than feeling ok. I honestly can't talk about them without tearing up because they put the most positive spin on the hardest year we've faced.
Then there's my incredible friends - whether it was my friend Caroline who visited my mom weekly, bringing her treats or working in her garden, or my friend Janet who would pop in to see mom with specialty teas, or my friend Tammy, who made my mom the most beautiful quilt covered in hearts to remind her that she's always surrounded by love, not to mention that Tammy also fed my entire extended family when my mom was first diagnosed. Or my friend Forbes who dropped off a box full of projects for my daughter and I to work on with my mom. Then there's friends who never even met my mother, like Lynnette, who gave my mom and I matching bracelets, that were infused with positive energy. Or Kim, who gave me a gorgeous stone to cling to for hope. Leah gave my mom a book about survivors of her rare form of cancer. Tricia, who regularly dropped off little gift bags with goodies for my mom or treats for our family to elevate our spirits. It's also friends like Alicia, Kitty, Kerry, Pete who kept texting me to check in and see how mom is feeling. I've always said, it's not the quantity of people you are friends with, it's the quality.
Today was my first day back to work, and it was a good distraction because I work alongside wonderful people. But as soon as I got in my car for the drive home, I fell apart. I wish I could talk to her again. That's the part I'll probably never get used to, because we used to talk almost daily. And even though I've got the most tremendous support system (especially my incredible husband and daughter) - there's still no one who can replace your mom. I am so glad she is through her battle, but I sure do miss her. xoxo

a little update.....

Hello friends! Many of you have been asking about my momma. Two weeks ago my mom was admitted into the hospital because she was experiencing several sleepless nights with tremendous pain brought on by her cancer. It's a very tricky balancing act for the doctors to figure out the precise dosage of medication to alleviate her pain and combine it with the correct amount of anti nausea medication. It was truly awful to see her in such pain. It was at the point where I thought, please, just let her go quickly, because watching her suffer was excrutiating. Unfortunately, in their attempts to get her pain managed, the doctors overmedicated her, and she was so dopey that she almost couldn't wake up. It terrified her...to the point where we had some amazing end of life conversations. The doctors immediately started to flush her out with an IV drip to get the excess medication out of her system. Once they got her pain under control with an appropriate dosage, she really turned a corner. She started eating up her delicious hospital cuisine..mmmm mystery stew! and the doctors started talking about the chances of her going home, which, admittedly, I didn't think was going to happen. I feel like I've learned more about life and love in this one year, than in my entire life. Honestly, you just keep showing up for those you love. You keep holding their hand. You kiss them each time you say goodbye and tell them how much you love them. One afternoon at the hospital, I even showered my mom, at her request. It was new territory for us. It absolutely broke my heart to see her thin, cancer riddled body. But this is my mom, and I love her to the moon, and I will do whatever she needs. She even made jokes how her boobs look like two golf balls in a pair of tube socks....I told her, "lady, you don't have to worry, my eyes are only looking at your face while you are in this shower." But in that moment, I honestly thought, our roles have really switched. She took such good care me of me growing up and now she needs us to care for her, and I will be there every step of the way.
I'm so happy to report that after two weeks, she's home, sweet home. She's a weaker, more bed ridden version of herself, but she is still feisty and doesn't hold back from her "constructive" comments - like how I should re-soul my shoes because I sound like a horse coming down the hallway. But I love it. I love that she has this spark in her that keeps her fighting. This afternoon my brother and I laid beside her in her bed, and my heart almost burst. As a momma, I know how much that moment would mean if I was in her position. We held hands and just were sharing space and love. This is the most intense time of life, but it is also the greatest capacity of love I have ever felt. I can't thank you all enough for your check ins, your emails, your texts, your gifts, your food, your love and support - I'm tremendously lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. xoxo

be brave....

So today I was lying there with my feet up in the stirrups.....you know what I'm talking about ladies. I'd put a pap test at the top of my "least favourite things to do" list. There's something about having my lady parts pried open with a metal speculum, or as I think of it, some sort of medieval vice, so that I can lie down, relax, and chit chat about my day as someone ceremoniously scrapes my insides. "Hey, what's on your vacation list this summer?" I believe was the question. All though I couldn't really hear her over my muffled screams (I covered my own shrieking mouth with both hands so the poor people in the waiting room didn't think I was being murdered). I actually get so stressed about these exams that I clench up to the extent my doctor is worried I'm going to break her wrist. Truth. She actually said that. But I digress. The reason I am writing about all of this, in painstaking detail, is that we have to do hard things. It would be so easy for me to simply not book these appointments, to avoid my greatest anxiety. But then I run the risk of letting years slip by, and perhaps missing an early cancer diagnosis. And I love my life too much to let that happen.
Let's make a promise to one another that we will continue to be brave.
The most important pieces of our lives: our health, our relationships, our children, our friendships, our jobs, all involve pushing our comfort zones, they all involve sweat equity - they desperately need our time and attention. It's really easy in this day of distraction (TV, cell phones, internet, video games, you name it, there's an app for it) - to tune each other out and slowly let things erode.
But we need to put our energy into what matters most. I had a great conversation with my doctor today, because she is also my mother's doctor - and we talked about how illness can give us such clarity on what is important and what isn't. Fight for what is important to you. Be brave. So when my feet were in the stirrups, I was thinking of my little gal, and how I will continue to do all these uncomfortable medical exams and procedures if it means that I get to watch her grow up.
I know so many people going through marriage crisis right now - but when marriage has a 50% success rate, it's not surprising to know of several being tested to their limits at any given moment. All I can say, as someone who has done all the hard work to persevere: you need to get the help of a counsellor, sit down, have the hard conversations and if you are both truly interested in saving it, I really believe you will. But if you prefer to put your head in the sand, turn to distraction rather than facing things head on, you will just add years of flatlining instead of putting vibrant colour back in your life. Why wouldn't you want to fix it now?
My doctor told me today that one of her colleagues, a healthy 48 year old doctor, dropped dead the other night of a heart attack. Life is short. Be brave. Don't put things off. Do the hard stuff so that you can have the life you want. xoxo

weekend 365.....Happiness Is......

Saturday, May 3: Happiness is having time for a 5 km run and coming across a field of pink cherry blossom snow.  (Happiness was also having belly laughs with friends that night playing Cards Against Humanity).

Sunday, May 4: Happiness is playing in the rain. (Happiness was also playing with friends at an indoor beach later that morning).

Monday, May 5: Happiness is feeding the ducks right out of my hands. (Happiness was also hearing my mom's cheery voice tonight because she was finally feeling better after having a tough post chemo week of nausea.)

Look at the big and little moments around you. Take note of what makes you happy. Repeat.
xoxo

the women in my tribe.....

More than ever, I've noticed how after spending time with friends, I've walked away feeling so inspired by the courageous way they live their lives. Through their actions, and conversations we share I always leave feeling ready to tackle the world.
When Janet lost her son, at 10 days old, I stayed by her side in the hospital, bringing her food and holding her hand. It wasn't until I had a daughter of my own, did I truly realize the gravity of what she experienced or the sheer magnitude of her resilience. I always knew she was strong, but now when I reflect upon how she handled that life altering situation, I realize that she just may be the strongest person I know.
When my friend Tam lost her father to cancer, she quickly learned the value of time and how limited ours is on this planet. She sold her home and traded in a highly successful management position for a part time position and turned her focus to charity - selling her homemade cards and amazing baking, with all of the proceeds going to charities she holds close to her heart, including the S.P.C.A and the hospice that lovingly cared for her father. I've never been so proud of her. For more of her amazing work, look here.
My friend Danielle was fed up with the rat race in the Lower Mainland. Danielle and her hubby quit their jobs and packed up their family, driving across Canada until they found a place they wanted to call home. You can read about her adventurous life in Nova Scotia here.
My friend Tricia is one of those people who inspire you to be a better person because she is the most thoughtful person I have ever come across. For example, my daughter was sick, she left us a new puzzle wrapped beautifully on our doorstep. When it was my anniversary, I came home from work to find an amazing bottle of Prosecco on my doorstep. She slips me beautiful cards all the time. Whenever we spend any time together, I always say to my husband that her kindness is beyond measure and she always makes me want to do better.
My friend Forbes lives true to who she is in a world that I'm ashamed to say does not make that road easy. It should be easy because love is love - that should be the end of the story....but for some reason, there are still people who are ignorant and prejudiced, who haven't fully evolved yet. I am always proud of her and hope one day her daughter realizes that she has these amazing moms blazing a trail for future generations to be brave too.
My friend Kim listened to her heart and her gutt and walked away from the familiar into the unknown, which is never an easy choice for anyone. As I saw her setting up her new home, starting over, I knew what she had endured to get to that place, and that it wasn't an easy journey, but I could see that she was finally exhaling and at peace. She persevered.
My friend Leah became a mom before she was ready to, providing a loving and stable home to a little girl desperately in need of one. She was brave and strong at just the right moment and her impact will have a lasting impression, I have no doubt of this.
I have so many stories like these from women I know and love dearly. I don't want any of my friends to feel excluded who I didn't write about because they really are so inspiring to me - whether it's my friend Caroline who is always the first person to show up in a time of crises and is continuously making food for someone who is sick or in need, or my friend Kerry who chose love, even at the risk of losing friends, because love is always the right road.  There are so many stories of heros in the news, but I often find them right across the table from me while we're sharing a cup of coffee.

feeling inspired

(top image Robert Genn/bottom image Sara Genn)

This morning while having coffee with a friend, she informed me that beloved local artist Robert Genn has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has, perhaps, a year to live.
He is busy going through all of his paintings, categorizing them into "destroy", "sign" and "keep."
I couldn't believe it when I heard he's destroying some of his works of art, but his reasoning is that he doesn't want any work circulating after his passing that is subpar by his standards.
I was so moved how his diagnosis is forcing his hand to reflect on his life's work and choose the pieces he wants to leave behind as his life's legacy.
What would you want as your legacy?

Aside from his accomplished work as a painter, a big part of Robert's legacy are the his mega-talented children.
His daughter Sara was one of my classmates in elementary school. When I first moved out to White Rock, I was blown away by her warm and welcoming spirit. She seemed like an old soul, wise beyond her years. Today I have learned that she is a successful artist by her own right, living in New York. Her artistry has also found her living in France, Spain and Italy. Her twin brother James writes and directs for television. Their older brother David is a member of the rock band 54-40 and previously spent six years as lead guitarist for the Matthew Good band. (He's also married to local news personality Tamara Taggart and they have three children together).
I was moved by the creativity that is so prevalent in the Genn family. Obviously their father's gift shaped their childhood. It's like when you see a professional athlete's child effortlessly step in where the parent left off in their career. There's a level of genius that seems to pass down throughout these families.
It really struck me today that I want to be inspiring for my daughter. I want to do something big with the years I have left on this planet. Our time here is fleeting. Let's tap into our biggest potential and leave a legacy of inspiration. If someone were to write a biography of your life, wouldn't you want it to be a page turner?
Dream big.  Be kind to one another. Create your own amazing adventure.
xoxo

for you romantics out there.......

Love is so profoundly moving. Here is a beautiful example of it.

goodnight sweet grandma, may you rest in peace

This photo was taken at her 101st birthday this year. She still had that little spark in her eyes that I loved so much. Tonight, she passed away.
I am so thankful for every moment I got to share with her.
She was the oldest of eight children, grew up in a two bedroom farmhouse in the prairies, and has outlived everyone in her family.
She  met my grandpa at a wedding, and she said she knew instantly that she loved him. He asked her out that night and they were by each other's side for over 50 years until he passed away at the age of 80. She never anticipated outliving him by 21 years and told me how often her heart ached for him.
Their only child was my mother.
My grandma rode to school on horseback, lived through the depression, wars, cooked for a family of 7 three times a day to make ends meet, owned a bakery, and saw more changes in her lifetime than I will ever witness. She was the kind of woman that always invited people throughout her neighbourhood over for a meal or a cup of tea. If someone didn't have a place to go for Christmas, they would always be welcome at her table.
She was my home away from home. She taught my brother and I how to play crib, darts and pool, let us stay up late to watch shows like the Love Boat or Carole Burnett, gave us hot bowls of oatmeal for breakfast and had the most amazing homemade bread. She had an incredible vegetable garden and didn't mind that we used to sit in it and eat our way out of it. I used to love making cookies with her or listening to her sing.
She was the quintessential grandma - always baking, always hugging, always sharing funny stories about antics my brother and I got into growing up. I have three things of hers that represent her in a nutshell to me: her ruby ring (her name was Ruby), her cookie jar and a quilt she made my daughter.
Through my grandma's deteriorating health over the last five years, my mom has transformed into an angel. My mom was by her side day in, day out, even though my grandma couldn't always recall who she was.
Some days my mom would just go and simply hold her hand for hours, just to reassure her that she was there.
Death always brings a flood of thoughts: our memories of our loved ones, our beliefs about what happens when we die, our awareness of on our own mortality. I'm just so thankful that I got to know this incredible lady so well and to have her in my life for so long. Earlier this week she looked at me and told me that she was going to be okay. I feel such reassurance from this. Goodnight sweet grandma. xo

a gift

Hi friends. I've been a little quiet on my blog lately as it's been a tough week. On Wednesday, my mom called me in the morning to let me know that my grandma was in palliative care and that our whole family was gathering that day by her bedside because things were looking dire. Her eyes were already closed and she was breathing very heavily as we took turns holding her hands and having our own private moment with her. I was the last to leave her room as I found it extremely hard to walk away. I kissed her cheek, told her how much I loved her and told her it was ok if she had to leave. I cried through the night, positive that I would never get to see her again. The next morning my mom, my aunt, my daughter and I went to her room to check on her. I, for one, was surprised that she had survived the night. She had looked and sounded so horrible the night before. When we walked in, she was sitting upright, reading British tabloid magazines. The nurses told us that she had gotten up in the night and walked down the hallway, without her walker. She has not walked without her walker in 10+ years. Mom and I looked at one another in absolute disbelief. How was this even happening? She asked the nurse for a snack and motioned for me to sit beside her. I held her hand and she stared into my eyes. She smiled at me and said, "I'm going to be okay". She had not been talking coherently for days but managed to get that sentence out. I didn't know if that meant she's feeling better or if it meant,  not to worry, that she's okay with dying. She wanted me to hold Stella beside her so she could kiss her cheek. I felt like every second of our visit that day was a gift. It all felt like extra time that I never believed I would get. Extra time to look deep into her eyes and convey my love for her. She's 101 and still hanging in. It's remarkable to me that she was here for the first year of my daughter's life. I love how their paths crossed, these two big loves of mine: Ruby and Stella Ruby.  

Happy Friday!!

Hi friends! How are you? Do you have fun plans lined up for your weekend? I'm going stateside for a friend's reception while the hubby takes care of little miss. I can't wait to visit some friends I haven't seen in a long time. I'm also really excited for my husband and little girl to have their own time together. She just lights up around him and thinks he's pretty much the funniest man in town.
Do you have little ones who returned to school this week? If so, please give this article a read. I'm not a religious person, so even thought the article has a bit of a religious slant, the message it sends to kids is spot on. The focus is on being brave and standing up for kids who you see being teased or bullied for being different.
This is an excerpt from it:

"We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.

Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be."

Were you ever bullied in school? I was bullied by two girls who I thought were my friends, named Tejinder and Muriel, in grade 3. They would stay after school and sabotage my projects, rip apart my art work, pull my plants out of the dirt that I was growing for science class, scribble in my notebooks, anything they could to try and make me cry. They would sneak up behind me and shove me face down on the ground (I still have a scar to remind me), call me names and get into fist fights with me(of which I held my own in). It wasn't their behaviour that upset me (well, it kind of sucked), but it was the fact that I kept waking up each morning hoping that they would act differently and be my friends again that saddens me the most. I didn't recognize that I deserved better. I was like a dog who wags her tail each time her owner comes home even though the owner is abusive. A wonderful set of girls took me in as their friend and it seemed to throw Tejinder and Muriel into a tailspin. They tried their hardest to lure me back. It seemed like their purpose, of having someone to  project all of their anger upon, was now leaving them lost. In hindsight, I am fearful of how Tejinder and Muriel's home lives must have been that bullying was part of their agenda. Teach your kids kindness. Teach them to be brave and stand up for those who need help. I was so thankful for my new circle of girls who treated me like a friend instead of a proverbial punching bag. Kids shouldn't go to school in fear or make one another feel inferior because they  aren't pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough. Just be kids. Play. Laugh. Learn. Repeat. 

an act of kindness

Last night I was unloading my little girl from our truck and her "I never travel light" crapload of gear and managed to inadvertently drop my wallet on the city street outside my friend's apartment building downtown. I didn't notice that my wallet was missing until I got into my friend's apartment. Searching the diaper bag, which seemed to take half an hour (are they designed to be bottomless?) - I came up empty. I started to panic a bit and after checking the truck, realized that my wallet was indeed missing. When my hubby got home there was a message on our machine (yes, we still have an actual answering machine) saying someone had called regarding our Mastercard. The really strange thing was that I also had an email (in my hotmail account) from someone who had found my wallet. I was completely dumbfounded as to how this person could have discovered my email address because it isn't something I carry around in my wallet. I called him right away. Luckily, he lived downtown and was a short drive away. One of my friends came with me to pick up the wallet (just to be on the safe side), and to see if he was cute (he was). We gave him what cash we had as a thank you. He said he had searched my name, came across my blog (which has my email address) and sent me an email. He had called my credit card company to let them know in case I call, my credit card was safe and sound with him. Isn't that remarkable? I was so amazed by his resourcefulness. His name is Sammy and I am so thankful and inspired by his act of kindness. I've even adopted his name as an expression when things go right. Late last night when I had to catch the Canada Line and make my connection with the bus, I made it within one minute to spare and thought, it's a Sammy kind of day.

a letter to my younger self

A few words I would share with my younger self:

Your dreams of having a family will come true, so don't fret. Don't cry with each passing month when you get a crimson reminder that your dreams are on hold. It'll be a long road, full of potholes, but you will get there. And when you do, you will no longer sit in any judgement of your parents. You will see them for who they are: two people, trying their best. You will understand the depth of their love for you because you would lie down in front of a train to protect your own child.

Your first impression of a very tall boy you meet at a birthday party will be spot on. He will be your life's greatest discovery.

Don't slouch. Find your voice. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of. This will be your life's greatest struggle but with each passing year you get a little louder and a little taller.

Your friends will show you who they are and they will be incredible finds. Tell them how much you love them. You will lose one of your most treasured friends tragically, but will carry some solace knowing your last words to him were "love you."

Don't get that perm.

The older you get, the more you will want to learn. You will never know it all, even when you are a teenager.

Don't try so hard to fit in. Celebrate your quirks, they will set you apart.

Don't let the behaviour of others get you down. What you would do and what someone else chooses to do will often be two different things. And that is okay. Just don't waste your energy and time on those who don't give you theirs in return.

Don't worry about making mistakes. You will learn more from them than anything else.

Travel as much as you can, it will ignite your deepest passion.

The only person who ever makes you feel "less than" is you.

For the love of god, buy stocks as soon as you hear the words: starbucks, apple and google.

Happy 2012!!

I know, I know. I seriously have to reel in the shameless barrage of Stella photos. I just have this new favourite photo subject, and we don't leave the house much yet. I'm pretty sure that she thinks my camera lens is part of my face. It's hard to believe it's 2012 already. Did you make any resolutions? Do you find yourself making the same resolutions each year? I'm keeping my list of 39 things handy this year, so that I don't forget my goals, both big and small. I always find that making more dates with friends and family is my biggest resolution - for me it's the most important use of my time. I hope you are able to stick to the goals you set out for yourself. The reason why I stress how important it is to keep your dreams and goals at the forefront is from a conversation I had once years ago. I was volunteering in New Orleans, rebuilding homes after Hurricane Katrina had struck, and was roommates with an actress in her 50s. I remember asking her if she had any children or a partner and she said no. She said she always wanted a family, but somehow she just got so busy with her work that it all just kind of slipped away. She warned me to never let that happen. It really hit a chord with me. You can easily fill your days with lists of things to do. There is always work to do, chores to do, errands to do, it's easy to be "busy." Add to that all of life's distractions, TV, Facebook, internet surfing, time-sucking blogs ;). Keep your goals and dreams at the forefront and set aside time for them so that you can have the satisfaction of making your life really reflect you. xoxo 

Creativity

Have you ever checked out Ted.com? It's an amazing free series of lectures by riveting speakers. This afternoon, I checked out Ken Robinson's talk on how school kills creativity - insightful, absolutely hilarious and inspiring. I highly recommend taking 20 minutes out of your day to watch it. As educators, why is more emphasis placed on mathematics and sciences and less clout given to the arts? Why are we always encouraging our children to pursue careers in business and technology and steering them clear of a future in writing or music? Ken Robinson gives an in-depth portrait on his philosophies as to how education should help discover children's passions instead of squander them. Why, when we become older, are we more afraid - more afraid of being wrong, of taking chances? Do you consider yourself a creative soul? Some people almost feel ashamed to admit it, like it's a flakey trait to possess. I have always loved the arts- my life's biggest passions are writing, photography, music, dancing, cooking, movies, painting, design - I am drawn to all things that tap into my deepest emotions or provide visual stimulation. My English Literature degree might not be held in as high esteem with my co-workers as their MBAs, PHDs, CMAs, etc...but I know that I am just as bright as they are, but my learning style is just rooted more deeply in creativity. I love discussing people's hobbies that they are most passionate about - because it is often something that has nothing to do with their day jobs. Let's face it, whether it's through parental suggestion or education, we are often encouraged to pursue occupations that provide a safe trail, steady income and gainful employment - a reliable paycheque so that we can pay our bills and sleep at night. What if we really took chances in our pursuits? What would the world look like then? A few years ago I went through occupational testing at UBC, just out of interest's sake to see what it came up with after a series of questionnaires and tests. The top five jobs? Musician, Photographer, Art Teacher, Advertising manager and Broadcast Journalist. Creative pursuits prevailed. I wasn't surprised. I just felt a little disappointed that I have never felt confident enough to take a chance on a trail that often feels so uncertain. That's why I honestly love writing this blog. Whether one person reads it or 100 people read it, it is an endeavour that lets me channel my photography and writing at once. If you pop in to read this, you are paying me the highest compliment because you are taking a moment to get to know the real me. Thank you so much valued readers. I hope you always try to make time for your passions. xo

the simple life

Getting out in nature always makes me appreciate the simple things in life and helps me re-focus my perspective. I don't know about you, but I find when I've had a really busy week (this week we were out three out of four nights) - I need time to just decompress and be in the outdoors to re-fuel. These photos were taken at Campbell Valley Park, one of my favourite local spaces. 

One thing I was thinking about today is the question of "enough". Do you feel like at this point in your life that you are satisfied? Do you feel like your cup is full? It's easy to get caught up in always projecting your happiness into the future. What's your weakness? How do you usually finish this phrase: I'll be happy when..........I'm skinnier? I'm richer? I meet someone? I'm a parent? I have a better job? I have a better home? When is enough enough?

My weakness tends to be that I can't wait for a bigger living space. I daydream of having room to entertain, to have an open concept space to cook for our friends and family, to have a more modern home that reflects my love of contemporary architecture.......Our home is 1050 square feet, pretty cozy by today's housing standards, but it is definitely big enough for the two of us and our soon-to-be-bundle. My husband's entire family of four grew up in 850 square feet (one bathroom) and had a wonderfully happy life together. I hate the fact that I get caught up in thinking that more will be somehow "better". Our home right now is entirely within our means and is a happy, bright space  - so why do we catch ourselves getting caught up in the rat race? If there's one thing I've learned from life experience and books is that to live in the present is to be truly happy. This is why the art of meditation is so truly important.

Today we went for a two hour walk through the park and often chatted about how wonderful our friends and family are and what we adore about their unique personalities. When you're away from the storefronts, the advertising, the competitive rat race, it's easy to be reminded in the richness of all that we do have - a beautiful province to live in and a lot of great people in our lives to love. That's why I crave to be in nature - it has such an abundance of beauty and possesses the ability to make me feel full and grateful. Have you heard of the documentary called I am? It was created by Hollywood director Tom Shadyac - a man who had it all - the 10,000 square foot mansion, the private jet, the huge bank account - and gave it all up to live a simplified life. He was gravely injured in a biking accident and reflected on what was truly important in his life. He donated everything away and lives in a modest home. He admits to never being happier. I love how through his research he discovers that contrary to popular thinking, nature's fundamental operating principal is based upon cooperation, not competition. Societies function at a healthier level when operating under feelings of gratitude and compassion versus anxiety, anger and fear. Even Darwin's Descent of Man discusses love 95 times and only mentions the phrase "survival of the fittest" twice. So where'd we get it wrong? Why is our society under the impression that we have to outdo one another in order to measure happiness and success? 

So my task for you this week is to make a gratitude list of all that makes you truly happy at this point in time. Don't look forward and don't compare your life with others. I bet you'll be surprised at how long your list is and how little of it is tied to anything material.

Sorry I waxed on a little long about all of this - but it's a big topic that I think we often need reminding of in today's society. 

what makes your heart sing?

Everyone has at least one thing that makes them truly feel like they are reaching the depths of who they are. I'm not talking about a romantic partner, I'm talking about a hobby that embodies your essence. For myself, that hobby has always been dancing. There's something about moving to amazing music that makes every fibre of my being feel alive. I love that so many people carry different passions that define them. In our circle of friends, passions range from horseback riding, fishing, mountain biking, running, hockey, painting, cooking, motorcycles.....just that little extra that adds to the unique definition of who they are. I'm definitely not saying that people aren't well rounded and don't thrive on a number of interests, but there's usually that one that stands above all else that truly makes our hearts sing.

As soon as I deliver this baby, I can't wait to sign up for dance classes again. I remember what it feels like, lining up backstage, hearing the murmur of the crowd, the lights suddenly go out, the music starts and all you can hear are the quiet shuffles of dancers' feet taking their places on stage  - it is a truly electric feeling. When the curtain lifts, you can only see the spotlights. You lose yourself in the music and hope that the audience can feel the passion you are expressing. Here's a few moments that capture why I love dance so much, I hope you enjoy them!

this photograph

The League of Extraordinary Dancers

this hip hop dance

these two men dancing

dance about a woman's struggle with cancer

this creative group routine

this contemporary piece to one of my all time favourite songs