I just hit the five week mark of being a new parent and thought it was time to write about the biggest life transition I've ever experienced. Take it from me, someone who has wanted to be a mom as far back as I can remember, and who tried for years before pregnancy miraculously worked out, being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. Knowing what I know now, I wish I would have stepped up and helped my friends out more who had children years ago. I can't even begin to tell you how much respect I have for them and for my own parents now. Everyone has their own experiences as they adjust to parenthood. I wanted to be open and honest because I think I walked in a bit blind, expecting to be a natural and in all honesty, I am struggling. I am not having a tough time bonding with Stella - thankfully I felt bonded to her right from the start (which isn't always the case with new parents, and that's also completely normal). The struggle I am having is constructing a new life for us. The first big adjustment post- pregnancy is the physical one: my stomach was healing from the C section surgery, my nipples were cracked and bloody from trying to breastfeed, my feet were swollen so much I had to wear Craig's shoes (men's size 12 shoes!) and my eye had blood smeared across it from burst vessels from pushing so much during labour. As you can imagine, I thought Stella's crying was from her fear of looking at her new monster mom. I remember feeling so physically overwhelmed, wondering how could I possibly look after a baby when I was hardly able to move off the sofa? The physical ailments eventually healed but I still felt stuck at the proverbial starting line. With feeding and diaper changes every 2 - 3 hours, time just has a way of flying by. It's often easily 11 or 12 before I realize I haven't had any breakfast or showered, and dinners are often pushed back until 8. If she goes down for a nap, I find myself quickly trying to catch up on dishes/meals/laundry/vacuuming (all super glamorous options!). Our outings have become walks around the neighbourhood - life quickly became very quiet. Luckily we've had a lot of friends schedule regular visits which has helped tremendously to stave off loneliness. I know as time passes and I get more confident travelling with Stella, that we will be able to broaden our horizons more. It takes time to build the confidence of exploring the world again with a baby strapped to you - you worry about their eating and sleeping schedule, their meltdowns, your energy levels. It's funny, when I first found out I was pregnant I had lofty goals of whisking Craig and Stella to France during my year off. Now I'm thinking, let's try a weekend in Victoria first and see how we do. :) I imagine rebuilding a life as a new parent is a little like finding your way again when you transition into retirement or move to a new city - you have to find a new routine for your life - a new reality to bridge the gap between your former self and your new role. I've reached out to moms I know to find out how they coped with this adjustment - the keys they have told me are: self care, feeling connected to others, making dates with your partner and keeping your expectations realistic. I think I expected to breeze into parenthood because I wanted it so much, but all the love in the world doesn't prepare you for the shock it is to the system. I think the transition was especially tangible coming from a busy full time job where I was surrounded by a lot of people daily. My goal in this second month of parenthood is to set up a regular exercise schedule once my doctor gives me the green light, to join a mom's group, to take a class with Stella, to schedule dates with my friends & my hubby and to get back into cooking healthy meals. I can't wait to rebuild our life together with our little peanut and create a new sense of "normal". xo
Here is something that will definitely make pregnant women/new moms smile.
3 comments:
take your time. this is really the biggest transition a woman is going through (so far, for me it was).
the rhythm will slowly show up and you will step into it, step by step. but the rhythm will also change very soon, cause the little ones are learning so much and it is always changing. for me the first months were very hard physically after a sectio in emergency, similar to yours.
i always thought i will be such a cool mom, going to work after given birth, traveling much and things like this. but motherhood showed me that it´s not so easy as i was expecting.
now i just try to go with the flow and the ups and downs and it still is hard sometimes.
there is no real advice we can give, we just can share our stories, but what works for the one will not work for the other. it is so individual.
much love and never forget, you are strong enough.
p.s.: we only traveled for a few days in another city and decided to not do this again until little one is three or so.....it was so exhausting....:-)
d.
Things usually settle down by eight weeks, and even more so once the "fourth trimester" is over. By then, you've acclimatized to being a mom a little, and the baby has matured a little. Every day, they become more independent (until you eventually send them off to college). In the meantime, it's best not to try too much. In the beginning, you can pretty much do one thing per day (go to the store, meet with moms, go for a walk, make an elaborate meal) and then spend the rest of the day recuperating. ;)
thank you so much Dorothy & Erin! I can't tell you how much I always appreciate feedback from moms. I like how you both are saying to take it easy and don't try to take on too much. I think I put pressure on myself to live like I used to but have to just slow down and realize that it's ok to live in the slow lane for awhile. I hope you both had a great weekend!
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