This is something I've been wanting to write about for a long time now. After a wonderful late night conversation with friends last night, I thought it was time to put pen to paper, so to speak.
My husband and I have been trying for years to expand our family to include a baby. It is something we both want more than anything else. We have been through a battery of tests and have had consistently healthy results. Doctors have told us that our fertility issues fall into the "unknown" category. Of course, in the meantime, it seems like the everyone around us has gotten pregnant. Six out of 9 people in my department at work have had children in the last two years. I am always truly exceptionally happy for them, and yet go home and shed a few tears, wondering if we will ever get to make such a joyous announcement of our own to friends and family. I am 38 and my husband is 42; we are not exactly spring chickens anymore. This is why, after lengthy discussions, we decided to start the ball rolling on adoption. We just want to be parents and raise a child together. We became really excited by the thought of adopting a child - and giving a child in need a home full of love.
What I didn't expect were some of the reactions we have gotten when we have told people that we are adopting. Instead of a happy "congratulations", like people receive when they announce they are pregnant, we have often been met by the common reaction: "have you tried in vitro?" This one always takes me by surprise - I never think of adoption as last in a pecking order of parenthood options. I have never thought biological is best. I have had people say to me, "I couldn't adopt, you are braver than me. You never know what you'll get." I have also been blown away by the audacity of people who comment on our fertility issues by saying things like, "are you sure you love each other?" or "maybe it's just not your fate to have children." I am adopted which is why I have a hard time listening to those who view my decision to adopt as "risky" or "charitable". Being adopted, with my own fertility issues, I may go my whole life without a biological connection to anyone, but I have a life full of love. No one knows what they'll get when they have children - whether it's biological or through adoption. I just see adopting as a wonderful choice we made to create our family -just like when I picked Craig or when we adopted our pets Molly and Cooper. My family was all created by choices, not biological ties, and I couldn't love them more.
3 comments:
Kelly, I absolutely love what you have written! We all seem to have different perceptions on the makeup of a family. Many folks love, and very well mind you, their bio offspring and their family may become a wonderful unit as most people dream of. Some folks are fortunate to find a new family post divorce/separation with new children to love. How awesome is that! Fewer folks have the gift to love beyond what many people can imagine or comprehend. You, m'dear, are certainly one of them.
Two of the few things that I believe: We are given in life what we can handle and love is a process. When I imagine that there is a life making its way to you and Craig, I feel a tremendous wave of excitement for you both. (And not to mention utter admiration and glee). An immediate assumption that is often made is how lucky for the adopted child. I am certain that this is almost always true. However, I can't help but to think about how blessed the child's parents are as well (if not more). Just as your precious cargo is going to be welcomed to its home with a well so deep with love, mum and dad are going to have the magnitude of their love expand as they get to know this new small person. And the grace in all this, in my humble opinion, is that we learn more of who we are in the process.
I know, without a doubt in my bones, that you're going to rock as a momma. Already exuding warmth, curiosity and a sense of adventure, you're little one is going to be in the best of hands!
Wishing you and Craig all the best,
Nicole
Some people are so asinine with their insensitivity and it infuriates me. I am so happy you spoke about this. A family is a family is a family.
You are such a tender, loving soul Kelly. Any child would be so lucky to have you as a mother, borne from you or not.
love to you! xoxo
I have always thought you would make a wonderful mother and knew one day I would hear the announcement of an addition to your family. CONGRATULATIONS to becoming future parents and to making your family one person stronger.
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