carpe diem

As I looked around the oncologist office today, at the faces of loved ones, we all shared the same expression: one of shock and profound grief, bonded in our tears. I walked out of the office with a new mindset: to make her days as special as I can, giving her every ounce of my support in any way that makes her life easier, helping her live as pain free as possible with the utmost dignity. Cancer is an emotional rollercoaster. You want to show your loved one a brave and hopeful face, and at the same time, you want to scream into the universe and tear the cancer out of their body. It leaves you feeling helpless in that you can't fix things, but you also will never be more useful, in the sense that you can do everything in your power to make their life better on a daily basis. She wanted the house full of family, so tonight we ordered in dinner and her grandkids ran around like maniacs, keeping things light hearted. We laughed, and joked and temporarily forgot the magnitude of the situation. She turned to me and told me to live each day to the fullest. We hear it all the time, carpe diem, but why do we so easily forget it? Why do we put off our dream trips when we know we should take them when we're healthy. Why do we put off having a family for the "right time" when there will never be such a perfect occasion. More than ever, I am aware of the preciousness of life and how on a dime, things can change. I beg of you, don't get caught up in the small stresses, because as soon as you have a real problem, you'll realize how much energy you wasted on things that really were nothing. Don't spend your days being miserable, because life is far too short to lose weeks or worse, years of your life. Make whatever changes are necessary to invite happiness back to your life. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you while they are standing right before you. It's simple advice but sometimes bears repeating. I'm so proud of who she is, all of the beautiful connections she has made who have been showing up in droves to show their support with food, visits and profound love. The greatest gift I've ever been shown was being adopted because it led the course of my life directly to her. xoxo